Well Tiffay's father came into town today and here is us eating dinner @ the Cowgirl Cafe!
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
the one about nothing to talk about....
Isn't it funny how you really don't feel like you have anything worth saying on a blog and then you don't post a post for everyone and their dog to read (see yesterday), but you don't want anyone to think that you have not thought about the blog (or them) so you post a post all about not posting a blog post...when you end up posting a post about not posting a post when in the end you will have posted a post.
(Yeah...ok now you all can join me in the insanity that runs through my head all the time, heh.)
Well, I have been looking for any reason to use the camera that Jay through Sheila gave me and nothing has really popped up yet...and for those things that have popped up I tell myself at that moment that it really is not important enough to take the picture...when what I should do is take pictures of everything/everyone all over the place and then think about it later if I should post them or not, heh.
-----------------------------
Well, I walked into my office on Monday to find it in shambles....they decided a long time ago...(but decided to act upon the decision while I was gone) to shorten the back wall of my office (making my office smaller (which I am OK with it was way too big!) so they could increase the "closet" on the other side into a "room". Well, I walked into my office and everything that was on my desks and in my office was piled up on my two desks and on/in the cabinets around the front of my office....(Now I am wishing I took a picture of it instead of trying to explain it ha ha) and it was all covered in clear plastic drop clothes and there was a new wall (not yet finished) in there.
Granted I have been gone for 3 weeks and I knew I was going to be very behind concerning work...but add to that the fact that I had no idea where anything was of my stuff,and it was all covered in plastic drop clothes.
Then, before I left we talked about me moving into another office (which I was fine with) and so I went to see if that office was ready for me to move my office into it...........nope! They have used my new office as a storage place for all the furniture that everyone else was not using...so my office was a mess...the office I was to move into was a mess....and I could not even get to my computer to even check the 230 emails that had piled up in my old/current office. (yeah....but that is nothing of the amount of emails that Sheila will deal with...but her Blackberry is nice to handle them all) heh heh.....
So, I spent the last two days moving my library over to the new office and packing up my stuff. I got all the books organized and moved over, but I cannot move anything else because if I set my stuff on the furniture it would have to be moved again anyway...so now it will sit there until I and someone else move the old furniture out of my new office, heh......
So, work has been "different" to say the least. But, all in all, it is good to be at this home I guess.
-----------------------
I am sure on Sunday I will receive lots of hugs and it will probably be just like the viewings that I will do more consoling than being consoled...but heave that is what I do for my existence and I am just fine with it, heh.
I bet I have read at least 70 cards from loved ones and friends extending their love, thoughts,and prayers...and that is great! I am even astonished at the outpouring of love and care by our churches who gave us lots of money...and I mean lots...for all our problems and it turns out that Tiffany and I are trying to find or might even create some kind of ministry to make the money go towards so that his love for Christ will continue to be shared with others. If you have any ideas we would love to hear them.
---------------------
I also would like to talk a little (as if I don't do enough of that already)............... so someone turn up the mic and scoot over the soap box..... "Now hear this!".... heh heh
I shared this with Tiffany yesterday and I have been thinking about it as of late...Throughout this entire process of Jay's travel departure of a non-stop flight to be with God.....it is interesting how people deal with death. (Me included) Through out this entire thing I have been very intentional on my focus being on God and asking for his eyes to see how we all deal with death and how He can (through me hopefully) be a better minister of the Good News of Christ in these times....I noticed that in a lot of the things (that we normally would give credit to God or request of by God) a lot of us would replace God with Jay. (i.e. Jay really helped me with that Uno hand....instead of in normal everyday circumstances we would say oh man...God really helped me out on that Uno hand) I don't think we were being bad by doing this...but I think it was a way that we reminded ourselves that Jay is with God and it helped with the process of dealing with death.
Another thing (and this is really what I talked to with Tiffany about) is how I try to the best of my ability to live the Gospel that I preach and speak of. When the rubber meets the road I desire to life a life that is more than just lip service, but living my existence in what I believe and know is truth found in the God inspired words of God called the Bible..... Now, I have never through this entire time NOT accepted that Jay has passed away/died (I can't stand the term died..but some people don't understand "passed away")I know that jay is no longer physically with us anymore in this life...and I don't downplay that sadness or loss that I feel in my life and heart...but I believe because I am Christian that there is more to this life than living and dyeing. And there is more to come even after death for everyone! So, I brought up to Tiffany that I purposefully have tried to speak of Jay in the present tense. Jay is not in the past tense...now the memories are in the past and I speak about those in the past...but not Jay in the now...because Jay is alive right now....similar to how Jesus is alive. Now, I won't go into the theology of if Jay is awake or sleeping, but one thing is sure in my faith and belief is that Jay is alive and he is in the presence of Jesus. And, so I can speak of Jay in the present and mean every word of it, because I believe it is truth and my life is continued to be lived in the existence of my faith. No intentional separation on my part is expressed between my faith and my living...so I can say that Jay loves his TV, and Sheila, and my parents,Sheila's parents and brother, me, D&D, Cherry Vanilla Cream Blue Sky Drinks, etc....
I had a pastor on our way back home tell us that we should not deny the death...and skip to the life after death and/or resurrection...(and this was on Easter Sunday he was telling me this, heh)....but he is partly right...I believe God never intended for death to occur...it is the choice of humanity to eat of that tree and that death is a consequence (sp?) of that choice...but it is life that God focuses on...it is resurrection that he offers to all people and most importantly it is relationship that he offers not only in the life to come but the life that you and I live right now! In this current time and space! I do not deny death at all, but I am part of the resurrection people and it is life that Christ has come to offer all those who desire to be in relationship with him...and that is what he has charged all Christians to offer not only in their speech but especially in their living.
---------------
Ok so much for not having anything to write about, heh...well......I guess I better go to bed...but let me find a good captions picture for us to comment on.....
"Hey Baby...What do you say we get off this ice and find some chocolate?"
(yes, I know I stole this idea off of the Food Network ads, but it is still funny if you ask me)
Remember you can leave any funny comments to this photo on the comments for all to enjoy....
(some of you have been having trouble in posting a comment and I am workin on that...you might need to clear out your cookies/cache and make sure you allow cookies form www.blogger.com, but I will see what I can do about that problem...if you can not post a comment please email me and tell me what is going on and I will try to help out. Thanks!)
(Yeah...ok now you all can join me in the insanity that runs through my head all the time, heh.)
Well, I have been looking for any reason to use the camera that Jay through Sheila gave me and nothing has really popped up yet...and for those things that have popped up I tell myself at that moment that it really is not important enough to take the picture...when what I should do is take pictures of everything/everyone all over the place and then think about it later if I should post them or not, heh.
-----------------------------
Well, I walked into my office on Monday to find it in shambles....they decided a long time ago...(but decided to act upon the decision while I was gone) to shorten the back wall of my office (making my office smaller (which I am OK with it was way too big!) so they could increase the "closet" on the other side into a "room". Well, I walked into my office and everything that was on my desks and in my office was piled up on my two desks and on/in the cabinets around the front of my office....(Now I am wishing I took a picture of it instead of trying to explain it ha ha) and it was all covered in clear plastic drop clothes and there was a new wall (not yet finished) in there.
Granted I have been gone for 3 weeks and I knew I was going to be very behind concerning work...but add to that the fact that I had no idea where anything was of my stuff,and it was all covered in plastic drop clothes.
Then, before I left we talked about me moving into another office (which I was fine with) and so I went to see if that office was ready for me to move my office into it...........nope! They have used my new office as a storage place for all the furniture that everyone else was not using...so my office was a mess...the office I was to move into was a mess....and I could not even get to my computer to even check the 230 emails that had piled up in my old/current office. (yeah....but that is nothing of the amount of emails that Sheila will deal with...but her Blackberry is nice to handle them all) heh heh.....
So, I spent the last two days moving my library over to the new office and packing up my stuff. I got all the books organized and moved over, but I cannot move anything else because if I set my stuff on the furniture it would have to be moved again anyway...so now it will sit there until I and someone else move the old furniture out of my new office, heh......
So, work has been "different" to say the least. But, all in all, it is good to be at this home I guess.
-----------------------
I am sure on Sunday I will receive lots of hugs and it will probably be just like the viewings that I will do more consoling than being consoled...but heave that is what I do for my existence and I am just fine with it, heh.
I bet I have read at least 70 cards from loved ones and friends extending their love, thoughts,and prayers...and that is great! I am even astonished at the outpouring of love and care by our churches who gave us lots of money...and I mean lots...for all our problems and it turns out that Tiffany and I are trying to find or might even create some kind of ministry to make the money go towards so that his love for Christ will continue to be shared with others. If you have any ideas we would love to hear them.
---------------------
I also would like to talk a little (as if I don't do enough of that already)............... so someone turn up the mic and scoot over the soap box..... "Now hear this!".... heh heh
I shared this with Tiffany yesterday and I have been thinking about it as of late...Throughout this entire process of Jay's travel departure of a non-stop flight to be with God.....it is interesting how people deal with death. (Me included) Through out this entire thing I have been very intentional on my focus being on God and asking for his eyes to see how we all deal with death and how He can (through me hopefully) be a better minister of the Good News of Christ in these times....I noticed that in a lot of the things (that we normally would give credit to God or request of by God) a lot of us would replace God with Jay. (i.e. Jay really helped me with that Uno hand....instead of in normal everyday circumstances we would say oh man...God really helped me out on that Uno hand) I don't think we were being bad by doing this...but I think it was a way that we reminded ourselves that Jay is with God and it helped with the process of dealing with death.
Another thing (and this is really what I talked to with Tiffany about) is how I try to the best of my ability to live the Gospel that I preach and speak of. When the rubber meets the road I desire to life a life that is more than just lip service, but living my existence in what I believe and know is truth found in the God inspired words of God called the Bible..... Now, I have never through this entire time NOT accepted that Jay has passed away/died (I can't stand the term died..but some people don't understand "passed away")I know that jay is no longer physically with us anymore in this life...and I don't downplay that sadness or loss that I feel in my life and heart...but I believe because I am Christian that there is more to this life than living and dyeing. And there is more to come even after death for everyone! So, I brought up to Tiffany that I purposefully have tried to speak of Jay in the present tense. Jay is not in the past tense...now the memories are in the past and I speak about those in the past...but not Jay in the now...because Jay is alive right now....similar to how Jesus is alive. Now, I won't go into the theology of if Jay is awake or sleeping, but one thing is sure in my faith and belief is that Jay is alive and he is in the presence of Jesus. And, so I can speak of Jay in the present and mean every word of it, because I believe it is truth and my life is continued to be lived in the existence of my faith. No intentional separation on my part is expressed between my faith and my living...so I can say that Jay loves his TV, and Sheila, and my parents,Sheila's parents and brother, me, D&D, Cherry Vanilla Cream Blue Sky Drinks, etc....
I had a pastor on our way back home tell us that we should not deny the death...and skip to the life after death and/or resurrection...(and this was on Easter Sunday he was telling me this, heh)....but he is partly right...I believe God never intended for death to occur...it is the choice of humanity to eat of that tree and that death is a consequence (sp?) of that choice...but it is life that God focuses on...it is resurrection that he offers to all people and most importantly it is relationship that he offers not only in the life to come but the life that you and I live right now! In this current time and space! I do not deny death at all, but I am part of the resurrection people and it is life that Christ has come to offer all those who desire to be in relationship with him...and that is what he has charged all Christians to offer not only in their speech but especially in their living.
---------------
Ok so much for not having anything to write about, heh...well......I guess I better go to bed...but let me find a good captions picture for us to comment on.....
"Hey Baby...What do you say we get off this ice and find some chocolate?"
(yes, I know I stole this idea off of the Food Network ads, but it is still funny if you ask me)
Remember you can leave any funny comments to this photo on the comments for all to enjoy....
(some of you have been having trouble in posting a comment and I am workin on that...you might need to clear out your cookies/cache and make sure you allow cookies form www.blogger.com, but I will see what I can do about that problem...if you can not post a comment please email me and tell me what is going on and I will try to help out. Thanks!)
Monday, March 28, 2005
The one about me testing out Picasa and Hello....
If any of you want the best software for organizing and dealing with photos out there then you need to go download the software called Picasa. It is top notch, and while I was @ Jay and Sheila's I saw that you can download another program that works with Picasa called Hello...and this software allows you to in real time share your photos with friends and family, but it allows allows me to post pictures from my computer on my blog! So hopefully with the new camera that Sheila gave me and this new software I can put lots more photos on my blog for everyone to see. It should make things a little more brighter around here, heh. So the previous two posts were just that, heh. The Only problem is I think when I post the photos they will be in seperate posts...but that is not too big of a deal...so I hope yall like it...let me know.
KUTPs!!!!
love yall!
KUTPs!!!!
love yall!
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Happy Easter (and passover) ;)
Happy Easter and Passover yall! Take care and God bless everyone one of yall! Take care and now we are off to drive home from Tiffany's parents house! Service was good today, but we are ready to share Easter with each other and our dog AT HOME! heh.
Thank yall and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!
Just in cause yall need them here are some passover peeps! Happy Easter/Passover!
Passover Peeps!
God bless yall!
Saturday, March 26, 2005
The one about travel....
Well, we made the flights to NM, but we are so tired that we cannot see straight. We just got in and ate and now we are going to sleep....considering we had to wake up 1:00 am Mountian Time to get ready and go to the airport then spend all morning long on planes and then lastly drive the almost 6 hour drive from El Paso to Lovington.... we are going to bed in the hopes that we can make it on time to the Easter service here in Lovington and then drive home without falling asleep at the wheel. I have talked Tiffany into seeing that it is better for us to go to church tomorrow morning than for her to risk her life and car going to Connections tomorrrow evening. Besides we have been through a lot and I think it is best for us to be "right" and be effective in ministering that for us to be "off" and not do God or anyone any good because we are not fit physically for ministry.
Well, I am going to sleep and God bless you all! Yall take care and please KUTPs for all of the Hollums and Meason families! Yall take care!
Well, I am going to sleep and God bless you all! Yall take care and please KUTPs for all of the Hollums and Meason families! Yall take care!
Thursday, March 24, 2005
The one about being happy.....
Well, yesterday was the best worship service I have ever been to in my life and if I can spend the rest of my ministry having that kind of worship of God then I will have a fun ministry. Only Jay and Jesus could have brought together Christians, Jews, Non-Christians, and a category all by themselves)....D&D Players, heh heh. I know that some of those people experienced God in that moment of worship, and I know that that is what Jay would have wanted. Just like his favorite passage Jay would want to live a life and live a death the whole time pointing to the one who he existed for...Jesus and it was just so amazing to have everyone there for the service!!!! And as soon as I can I will give yall pictures of the grave side...that place is unbelievable beautiful!
Well, yesterday morning we all woke up to Sheila yelling and running to Sears to get them to remove the ink tags they never took off of 2 of the dresses she bought for all of this. I could not believe it and it just so happened that Her alarm clock did not go off and she woke up an hour later than she planned on! Then she got in her SUV and mad dashed drove to Sears to get them to remove the tags and of course they did not open until 10:00 am and we were supposed to be at the church (about an hour away) @ 10:15 am......needless to say she was not the happiest of campers at this time..but she made it through and we got to the church.
On the way to the church for Jay's worship service Tiffany (my wife) kept asking me which song she should sing for the service. I told her that it did not matter and that both of them would do just fine (note to all of you...Tiffany did not practice any songs before this time she was going to get up there and either sing accapella (sp?) or play the Piano and sing at the same time...both options winging it!!!! Can you believe that? Oh man that is crazy..but that is my wife, heh)
Well, we step out of the car and what music was in the air, but Into The West by Annie Lenox (sp?) on the Lord of The Rings movies! It was a perfect song for Jay because he loved anything medieval and then we heard Lorenna McKennet (sp?) another awesome Celtic-esque singer and song and we found out that Keith (the Sr. Pastor) had created this CD just for Jay and wanted it played for him that morning and he played it through the loud speakers of the church so everyone in 2-3 blocks around the church heard the music, heh.....well, Tiffany still not knowing what song to sing heard that song playing from the "church bells"....and immediately knew that that was the perfect song to sing for Jay and for God!!!! So get this.......
Tiffany runs into Keith's office asking for his internet connection so she can find the words to a certain song to sing for Jay's service....Keith asked her what song and Tiffany told him the song she just heard outside.......Keith then said to Tiffany, "You mean thie words to this song?"...and Keith handed Tiffany the words to that very song....Keith had planned on saying those words during the service because they were so perfect.....heh heh.......So then Tiffany asked Keith to put that song on repeat and Tiffany ran outside to listen to the song over and over and over....I think she said that she listened to it about 3 times and then the service started.......Tiffany then in the middle of the service sings the song accapella (sp?)! It was better than the surround sound DVD in my house...and let me tell you that is good! She hit ever note perfect and amazed me! (I am almost certain she amazed everyone and now that they have read this story they made be even more amazed!, ha ha)
My wife is amazing...and man I love her...and her voice.....the second amazing thing was that Sheila even said that her singing of that song was great...and coming from Sheila that is saying something, heh (Sheila is an amazing singer for those who may not know)
Well, then we went out to the grave side and it was such a beautiful day! Just awesome! (a Day not too unlike Jay and Sheila's wedding day in the same church, heh) and then we all went back to eat @ the church and man of man I love potluck dinners! I am part of a larger church right now and pot luck dinners is what I miss most from my home church. When you get to be a large church you tend to have one person or one group of people that fix all the dinners for the entire church and that food that way is great...but there is something about getting to fill your plate with 20 different side dishes and then have 4 different types of desert, heh heh...and I wonder why my figure is not what it should be, heh heh!
I wanted to stand up and tell everyone that if they wondered what Christianity and church was all about that they were experiencing it right there. Here you find a goup of friends that never would have met each other if it were not for their common faith in Christ and they are loving God and respecting the Jesus that lives in Jay. Then you selflessly feed Christians, Jews, D&D players, non-Christians...insert your faith here) and we are all eating in fellowship and community. That is what Christianity is all about relationship with each other and relationship with God! and food is a awesome bonus!!!! woo hoo! Heh heh heh!
It was wonderful and I thank everyone who came, no mater what your faith is I know that Jay and God were so happy that you came and participated in His love for you!
Well, we all got back to the house around 4 pm and then we cleaned it until 6 pm and then every one started to arrive around 7 pm to play D&D. Sheila said that she asked Jay during all of this that if he did not make it through what did he want...and she said he told her, "I want everyone to be happy and I want everyone to play D&D". So we wanted to honor his wishes and we offered D&D to everyone to play. I think we had 2 groups of 5-6 playing at one time and we ever had to get another table from the basement to have enough room...we cooked Sheila's famous hot wings...oh man that will give anyone fire butt...and Chinese food...(dang that was good) and the last group finished around 3:00 am (hence the non-blog post yesterday). It was such a wonderful and happy time.... He had so much fun and I know that everyone there if you did or did not play D&D you enjoyed the laughter and fun that was had by all.....even those who did not play D&D they watched the last movie of the Lord of The Rings (Return of the King)...(I guess the second best thing to do) and everyone had a great night...what a perfect way to end the celebration of a wonderful life!
Today we slept in and then left to go eat @ Aladdins (sp?) in Pittsburgh and to say good by to my cousins Christy and Kevin! They were so sweet to come down and then they got stuck in North or South Carolina due to storms in Florida, heh. I am sure they are fine now though.
(We then came back home to rest from the night of fun and gaming and then we went to eat @ Dingbats for dinner....yeah you heard me a place called Dingbats. Jay loves their Ultimate Cob Salad so almost everyone eat that for Jay and then we went to Barnes & Nobles for Tiffany (my wife is to Barnes and Noble as Jay is To Best Buy, heh) Then we went to my Dads favorite place in the entire world....Wal-Mart to get a few supplies and then we came home and played UN Attack and had lots of fun...
Oh I almost forgot The morning right before the funeral all of our cars (that were unlocked) got broken into and they stole all the changed that was in the font seats....*yeah tell me about it) they left everything else no stolen CDs and they did not still Jay's sunglasses! They broke into all of the cars behind Sheila's house and the cars in the neighbor's drive way. Then this morning guess what....they did it again the glove compartments were all open and nothing else was stolen...it was crazy...so after the second unlawful entry Sheila contacted the police and they actually came to the door and asked Sheila questions and that was kind of funny....Sheila told them it is funny...if they would just have knocked on the door I probably would have given them $20, heh...... Then she clarified....well it would have to had been the eve of Jay's funeral, heh heh....
Sheila tells that she would get into arguments with Jay all the time about picking up hitch hikers from the road or helping street people. Jay was so generous he wanted to stop for everyone and help everyone, heh. And she knew if something like that would have happened then she would have given money, heh.
Well, it is the end of another long day up here,,and still while it is fun,,,,Jay is still missed and more often than not my mind slowly drifts back to Sheila and my parents and how much I want to love them well from this loss,,,but there is only so much I can do and God has to take over in that department. I am trying to keep my focus on God and so far He has never (and I believe will never) let me down.
I hope that we get to go eat at the Cheese Cake Factory tomorrow sometime (Jay every time we were here he wanted to take me there but we never got around to doing it) and maybe even go check out Ikea and Best Buy.....(I have to go to Best Buy and buy something...I kow that Jay would do the same for me, heh heh heh.
"I miss him so much" is all I can say each night as my wife holds me in her arms of comfort. I do and I will live a life now of missing him, but I know it is mutual, and some day the missing will end just like hope and faith,,,because these all will fade away in the presence of our God!
Love yall and miss yall! Take care and please KUTPs!!!!!!!
"You have some sun stuck on your nose" "that is the least of my worries....those aliens made us into one body with two upper torsos!"
(please feel free to post your funny comments to the picture)
Well, yesterday morning we all woke up to Sheila yelling and running to Sears to get them to remove the ink tags they never took off of 2 of the dresses she bought for all of this. I could not believe it and it just so happened that Her alarm clock did not go off and she woke up an hour later than she planned on! Then she got in her SUV and mad dashed drove to Sears to get them to remove the tags and of course they did not open until 10:00 am and we were supposed to be at the church (about an hour away) @ 10:15 am......needless to say she was not the happiest of campers at this time..but she made it through and we got to the church.
On the way to the church for Jay's worship service Tiffany (my wife) kept asking me which song she should sing for the service. I told her that it did not matter and that both of them would do just fine (note to all of you...Tiffany did not practice any songs before this time she was going to get up there and either sing accapella (sp?) or play the Piano and sing at the same time...both options winging it!!!! Can you believe that? Oh man that is crazy..but that is my wife, heh)
Well, we step out of the car and what music was in the air, but Into The West by Annie Lenox (sp?) on the Lord of The Rings movies! It was a perfect song for Jay because he loved anything medieval and then we heard Lorenna McKennet (sp?) another awesome Celtic-esque singer and song and we found out that Keith (the Sr. Pastor) had created this CD just for Jay and wanted it played for him that morning and he played it through the loud speakers of the church so everyone in 2-3 blocks around the church heard the music, heh.....well, Tiffany still not knowing what song to sing heard that song playing from the "church bells"....and immediately knew that that was the perfect song to sing for Jay and for God!!!! So get this.......
Tiffany runs into Keith's office asking for his internet connection so she can find the words to a certain song to sing for Jay's service....Keith asked her what song and Tiffany told him the song she just heard outside.......Keith then said to Tiffany, "You mean thie words to this song?"...and Keith handed Tiffany the words to that very song....Keith had planned on saying those words during the service because they were so perfect.....heh heh.......So then Tiffany asked Keith to put that song on repeat and Tiffany ran outside to listen to the song over and over and over....I think she said that she listened to it about 3 times and then the service started.......Tiffany then in the middle of the service sings the song accapella (sp?)! It was better than the surround sound DVD in my house...and let me tell you that is good! She hit ever note perfect and amazed me! (I am almost certain she amazed everyone and now that they have read this story they made be even more amazed!, ha ha)
My wife is amazing...and man I love her...and her voice.....the second amazing thing was that Sheila even said that her singing of that song was great...and coming from Sheila that is saying something, heh (Sheila is an amazing singer for those who may not know)
Well, then we went out to the grave side and it was such a beautiful day! Just awesome! (a Day not too unlike Jay and Sheila's wedding day in the same church, heh) and then we all went back to eat @ the church and man of man I love potluck dinners! I am part of a larger church right now and pot luck dinners is what I miss most from my home church. When you get to be a large church you tend to have one person or one group of people that fix all the dinners for the entire church and that food that way is great...but there is something about getting to fill your plate with 20 different side dishes and then have 4 different types of desert, heh heh...and I wonder why my figure is not what it should be, heh heh!
I wanted to stand up and tell everyone that if they wondered what Christianity and church was all about that they were experiencing it right there. Here you find a goup of friends that never would have met each other if it were not for their common faith in Christ and they are loving God and respecting the Jesus that lives in Jay. Then you selflessly feed Christians, Jews, D&D players, non-Christians...insert your faith here) and we are all eating in fellowship and community. That is what Christianity is all about relationship with each other and relationship with God! and food is a awesome bonus!!!! woo hoo! Heh heh heh!
It was wonderful and I thank everyone who came, no mater what your faith is I know that Jay and God were so happy that you came and participated in His love for you!
Well, we all got back to the house around 4 pm and then we cleaned it until 6 pm and then every one started to arrive around 7 pm to play D&D. Sheila said that she asked Jay during all of this that if he did not make it through what did he want...and she said he told her, "I want everyone to be happy and I want everyone to play D&D". So we wanted to honor his wishes and we offered D&D to everyone to play. I think we had 2 groups of 5-6 playing at one time and we ever had to get another table from the basement to have enough room...we cooked Sheila's famous hot wings...oh man that will give anyone fire butt...and Chinese food...(dang that was good) and the last group finished around 3:00 am (hence the non-blog post yesterday). It was such a wonderful and happy time.... He had so much fun and I know that everyone there if you did or did not play D&D you enjoyed the laughter and fun that was had by all.....even those who did not play D&D they watched the last movie of the Lord of The Rings (Return of the King)...(I guess the second best thing to do) and everyone had a great night...what a perfect way to end the celebration of a wonderful life!
Today we slept in and then left to go eat @ Aladdins (sp?) in Pittsburgh and to say good by to my cousins Christy and Kevin! They were so sweet to come down and then they got stuck in North or South Carolina due to storms in Florida, heh. I am sure they are fine now though.
(We then came back home to rest from the night of fun and gaming and then we went to eat @ Dingbats for dinner....yeah you heard me a place called Dingbats. Jay loves their Ultimate Cob Salad so almost everyone eat that for Jay and then we went to Barnes & Nobles for Tiffany (my wife is to Barnes and Noble as Jay is To Best Buy, heh) Then we went to my Dads favorite place in the entire world....Wal-Mart to get a few supplies and then we came home and played UN Attack and had lots of fun...
Oh I almost forgot The morning right before the funeral all of our cars (that were unlocked) got broken into and they stole all the changed that was in the font seats....*yeah tell me about it) they left everything else no stolen CDs and they did not still Jay's sunglasses! They broke into all of the cars behind Sheila's house and the cars in the neighbor's drive way. Then this morning guess what....they did it again the glove compartments were all open and nothing else was stolen...it was crazy...so after the second unlawful entry Sheila contacted the police and they actually came to the door and asked Sheila questions and that was kind of funny....Sheila told them it is funny...if they would just have knocked on the door I probably would have given them $20, heh...... Then she clarified....well it would have to had been the eve of Jay's funeral, heh heh....
Sheila tells that she would get into arguments with Jay all the time about picking up hitch hikers from the road or helping street people. Jay was so generous he wanted to stop for everyone and help everyone, heh. And she knew if something like that would have happened then she would have given money, heh.
Well, it is the end of another long day up here,,and still while it is fun,,,,Jay is still missed and more often than not my mind slowly drifts back to Sheila and my parents and how much I want to love them well from this loss,,,but there is only so much I can do and God has to take over in that department. I am trying to keep my focus on God and so far He has never (and I believe will never) let me down.
I hope that we get to go eat at the Cheese Cake Factory tomorrow sometime (Jay every time we were here he wanted to take me there but we never got around to doing it) and maybe even go check out Ikea and Best Buy.....(I have to go to Best Buy and buy something...I kow that Jay would do the same for me, heh heh heh.
"I miss him so much" is all I can say each night as my wife holds me in her arms of comfort. I do and I will live a life now of missing him, but I know it is mutual, and some day the missing will end just like hope and faith,,,because these all will fade away in the presence of our God!
Love yall and miss yall! Take care and please KUTPs!!!!!!!
"You have some sun stuck on your nose" "that is the least of my worries....those aliens made us into one body with two upper torsos!"
(please feel free to post your funny comments to the picture)
Monday, March 21, 2005
The one about the last viewings of Jay.....
Well, today was good, but today was hard. It seems to be the same with crying in the middle of no where, no specific place or thought or time, but I will just bust out in a thought that makes me tear up. And it never fails that laughter follows it. I weep for Jay mostly, but Sheila or my parents or someone else creeps in there too, heh.
I saw Jay's face for the last time in person until the day I see him again in heaven. It was not the Jay I know and knew. It was lifeless and souless, and I know that Jay of all things was not either of those. It was so good to meet all these people that Jay touched the life of. I had for the first time faces to go with all of Jay's stories. Some funny, some not so funny...but Jay loved them anyway and I did too! I even met a few people that read this blog each day and knew Jay through the life that I represented here on this blog, heh. It was amazing that they come to pay their respect and love for Jay and they had never met him, but they love and knew about him through me and this blog, heh.
I would find myself looking @ Jay and looking at his chest thinking to myself that I thought I saw a breath. I would love it is as Tiffany said, "I just keep on thinking he is not really dead and he is going to jump up and say 'Just kidding'! with his huge smile on his face".
But............
It never happened. Funny how the thoughts that you felt the days he was sick were still the thoughts you wanted to feel during these times. I found out so much about Jay fro the stories people would tell me about him @ work or his Spirit @ work and how he was so great to work with.
Tiffany asked Sheila on the way home tonight from the final viewing if she would share what she loved about Jay and as Sheila started telling her story after story and loved moment after loved moment, I kept thinking to myself, "that sounds like something I would do!!!" Then I would tear up and dry out and laugh. It is amazing that I have even taken stories about Jay's life and made them my own and did not even know it. I admire him so much! Jay was, is, and always will be my hero. I love him so much!
Tonight I was going to play his Xbox (Halo2) for one last game as "Rutree" his forever character name. but as I was going to walk up to their bedroom, I heard Tiffany talking to Sheila and I did not want to disturb them...so I came and wrote this post, heh.
Well, tomorrow is the funeral, and what I thought was going to be a rainy day now looks like it is going to be a very nice day...and I can't wait for the burial...because that place is so amazingly beautiful! The perfect spot for a perfect brother, husband, son, son-in-law, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, and sweet sweet sweet man of God!
I love him and I love you...the readers of this blog, and everyone who got touched by Jay's life...and whether some of you know this or not....it really was not Jay...but the Jesus in Him that made him who he was...and I know that Jay would love to tell you about his relationship with God and how that is where Jay found his existence and his passion for life, family, Sheila, me, work, D&D, etc..... Jay allowed his true love of Christ to shine through his life and I hope that all of you can know that Jay would never have been who he was without God living in him!
(yeah yeah I know I got on my sermon box...bt it is truth...and I could not help it...because God is a part of me too...but one thing it for sure....it is so freaking awesome living in relationship with God...and so amazingly cool to share the love I have for life and others because of the love that God has for me and you! Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you and please know I love each and everyone of you to the core....no matter who you think you are...I still love ya!
Yall have a good night and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!
I saw Jay's face for the last time in person until the day I see him again in heaven. It was not the Jay I know and knew. It was lifeless and souless, and I know that Jay of all things was not either of those. It was so good to meet all these people that Jay touched the life of. I had for the first time faces to go with all of Jay's stories. Some funny, some not so funny...but Jay loved them anyway and I did too! I even met a few people that read this blog each day and knew Jay through the life that I represented here on this blog, heh. It was amazing that they come to pay their respect and love for Jay and they had never met him, but they love and knew about him through me and this blog, heh.
I would find myself looking @ Jay and looking at his chest thinking to myself that I thought I saw a breath. I would love it is as Tiffany said, "I just keep on thinking he is not really dead and he is going to jump up and say 'Just kidding'! with his huge smile on his face".
But............
It never happened. Funny how the thoughts that you felt the days he was sick were still the thoughts you wanted to feel during these times. I found out so much about Jay fro the stories people would tell me about him @ work or his Spirit @ work and how he was so great to work with.
Tiffany asked Sheila on the way home tonight from the final viewing if she would share what she loved about Jay and as Sheila started telling her story after story and loved moment after loved moment, I kept thinking to myself, "that sounds like something I would do!!!" Then I would tear up and dry out and laugh. It is amazing that I have even taken stories about Jay's life and made them my own and did not even know it. I admire him so much! Jay was, is, and always will be my hero. I love him so much!
Tonight I was going to play his Xbox (Halo2) for one last game as "Rutree" his forever character name. but as I was going to walk up to their bedroom, I heard Tiffany talking to Sheila and I did not want to disturb them...so I came and wrote this post, heh.
Well, tomorrow is the funeral, and what I thought was going to be a rainy day now looks like it is going to be a very nice day...and I can't wait for the burial...because that place is so amazingly beautiful! The perfect spot for a perfect brother, husband, son, son-in-law, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, and sweet sweet sweet man of God!
I love him and I love you...the readers of this blog, and everyone who got touched by Jay's life...and whether some of you know this or not....it really was not Jay...but the Jesus in Him that made him who he was...and I know that Jay would love to tell you about his relationship with God and how that is where Jay found his existence and his passion for life, family, Sheila, me, work, D&D, etc..... Jay allowed his true love of Christ to shine through his life and I hope that all of you can know that Jay would never have been who he was without God living in him!
(yeah yeah I know I got on my sermon box...bt it is truth...and I could not help it...because God is a part of me too...but one thing it for sure....it is so freaking awesome living in relationship with God...and so amazingly cool to share the love I have for life and others because of the love that God has for me and you! Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you and please know I love each and everyone of you to the core....no matter who you think you are...I still love ya!
Yall have a good night and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!
The one about not having time to blog....
Well, we had the first viewing last night from 7-9 pm and now we have two more today from 2-5 and 7-9 again and the we have the funeral after that sooo I have to go and grab a bite for lunch and then be at the funeral home all day today....It is OK but I can think of better places I would rather be for all of that time. Thank you all for your prayers and please know we love you all!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
The one about our long day with planning......
Well, last night you can imagine how much loss of sleep we got. We are all so very tired and never wanted to do the things that we did today. Today we met at the funeral home and went over how much everything is going to cost and picked out the casket, vault (they have to have one of these around here), and the grave plot @ the cemetery. I tell you what....if I had to be buried in the ground....the place that my brother and Sheila some day is amazing! The site looks like an old burial mound that you might see in England! It has an amazing cross created out of some kind of bush, and their plots overlook the beautiful country side of PA! It has the best view in the world and there are three pine trees right next to where Jay will be laid to rest. He loved the mountains so much that I am sure every time he hears those trees rustle that He will love it! I mean it is beyond anything I could ever describe. I hope that Tiffany can take some pictures of it all! And I am sure that he will love the snow that will fall on that land so often! It is just amazing.....we then went to Wal-Mart to buy supplies for making photo collages (sp?) to put up around the viewing area and at the funeral. Sheila has so many of him and him with family! It brought me to tears many times this evening cutting out the pictures and putting them in their special slots in the huge poster frame!
It is funny what things bring me to cry. You would think it would be when I go into the electronics section of Wal-Mart, but it tends to be in the weird places that I never would have ever thought about him like the fabric dept...or the toy department, heh heh. But, I still find myself living a normal life and then out of the blue it hits me that it will probably be a few years and the majority of my lifetime that I will not get to see him again. But, I am OK and I am not alone in getting through this. Tiffany held me last night as I sobbed and mourned for the physical loss of my brother. She is such a part of who I am....and I kow that most of the time it is the Jesus in Tiffany that sustains me! Thank you God!
There are times now when I weep for Sheila and my parents. I can not imagine what they are dealing with and how they are dealing with Jay. I know that this is the time for questions sometimes to God sometimes to others......emotions are not only high...but we are all tending to wear them in our armpits....heh heh.....most of the time we don't show them (our feelings that is) but every now and then we lift our arms up and we chew someone out for no reason...and never an apology is necessary because we all know that we are all dealing with Jay's loss differently. It is hard, but it is peaceful. I know that Jay is present in that weird peaceful, loving, freaky way, heh. Sometimes it is obvious, others it is just a sense...but still it is nice.......
But the one presence I have been closest with through all of this is Christ. He is comforting me with those beautiful nail pierced hands and sweet arms of comfort! He is crying with me and Tiffany each night and in the shower, and in Halmark and Wal-Mart and @ the food court in the mall. He is just present in our midst and he is there with out any invoking or asking for it...He is just there! I have found out that people I don't even know I am able to share the peace of Christ with....from husbands standing in the same women's underwear section of Sears waiting for our wives to get out of the dressing room to a 15 year old girl that took my order of the Dairy Queen in the food court of the mall. I see Jesus in everyone and especially the possibility of Jesus in everyone and I could probably find a rock on the road and have a best friend with-in 10 mins. ha ha. I just love people and as Jay grew into his spiritual life and deeper and deeper into relationship with God he too had that same ability and gift to see Jesus in everyone! Jay is my hero! I love him so much! He is my big brother, and lived more life in 35 years than most people did in a lifetime. He looked at everything with fresh eyes and a pure heart. He never took anything for granted and I loved that and miss that. I hope he can continue to point out the small and amazing things of life in this world and get lots of practice where he is at now to point them out in the world to come for most of us too!
OK enough ranting for tonight!
The viewing for Jay is tomorrow @ the Sloom Funeral Home in Mt. Pleasant PA starting @ 7:00 lasting until 9:00 pm...and I think there is another two on Monday 2:00 pm-5:00pm & 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. I think around here they require the family to be there during all the times...so we would love to see any of you!
The funeral will be held @ the Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church in Dawson, PA @ 11:00 am Tuesday morning with the committal service to follow at the grave side (on that amazing hill)
the church address is:
Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church
Griscom Street & Howell Street
DAWSON, PA 15428
724 529-2925
For those of you who are reading this locally and need directions here is a map of Dawson:
Sheila (and the rest of us) thought that it would be wonderful that instead of flowers that you give any money, thoughts, and/or prayers to Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church, or The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, or lastly,of course, The National Multiple Scleroscis Society.
The donation pages are the link behind the names of those places...except for the church and you can just send a check or what ever to the church to make a donation. I know that Jay would have wanted your God given resources to go towards sharing the good news of Christ and promoting healing in this world much more than just flowers that look and small good for a while but then don't have as long of a lasting effect as these wonderful places do for the world we live in and the lives that we can touch throughout the life of Jay who touched us. Thank you all!
Love yall and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!! (we all always need them!)
Oh and I just want you all to know if you would like to see or even meet my brother in pictures please stop on by his web site and take a good look at my hero!
WWW.HOLLUMS.COM
you know after going back to his site I want you all to read from Jay the thank you letter that he sent out to everyone (including you!) around Christmas last year..when we all thought he was in remission. It is amazing to hear these words written from Jay at this time....he is ministering to each of us even now, heh heh.
First, and foremost, I want to say thank you to all of the people that are reading this! I know if you are reading this you have at least at some point worried or been concerned about me. And I want you all to understand the glorious impact that your prayers have had on me and those around me.
When you first find out that you have cancer, it is very hard to believe. You just say to yourself that it is not possible. And you just wait patiently for the doctors to come back with a different reason that you are not feeling perfect. However, once it sinks in you just sit there and try to understand. I think I handled the diagnosis very well, but I had no idea what I was in for when it came to the cure. Chemotherapy is amazingly tough. For me I think it was tougher than the cancer. I just kept telling myself that my God has a purpose for everything, even if I don't understand it. I proceeded to ask for prayers and blessings from all the people I know and the church that I love. I know that many people prayed for my health, and I will take all the prayers that people are willing to make on my behalf, but I will tell you this; I have never seen prayer work as effectively as it did this time. Not necessarily as a cure for my cancer (it is in remission and undetectable right now), but as an impact on my friends and family and myself. I have never felt so much love all the time coming from every where. Your prayers comforted me, my wife, and my family. They allowed me to feel wrapped in love and that is an AMAZING feeling. I have always said that the greatest miracle that God can do is not to move a mountain, but to change a heart. I have no doubt that through your prayers for me and my illness; MANY hearts were changed forever. If you ever wonder why people are allowed to ever get sick, then just realize the changed hearts of the people that form due to experiencing an illness or even a death are a great miracle. Sometimes, the only way to change a heart is through observation of another's illness or death. I truly hope that your spiritual life has grown in some way as you followed my struggles.
I continue to pray for all of you in return, even if I don't know all the names of the people that prayed for me. May God bless you all for your concern, prayers, and, more to the point, your deep abiding love. Keep praying as we all need miracles. Thank you once again, your prayers and Christ's love hold me together day by day as this ordeal finishes up with the final testing and follow up treatments. I believe it is by the grace of God and your wonderful prayers that I am where I am today.
Your brother in Christ,
Jay Hollums
I miss and love you too Jay!
It is funny what things bring me to cry. You would think it would be when I go into the electronics section of Wal-Mart, but it tends to be in the weird places that I never would have ever thought about him like the fabric dept...or the toy department, heh heh. But, I still find myself living a normal life and then out of the blue it hits me that it will probably be a few years and the majority of my lifetime that I will not get to see him again. But, I am OK and I am not alone in getting through this. Tiffany held me last night as I sobbed and mourned for the physical loss of my brother. She is such a part of who I am....and I kow that most of the time it is the Jesus in Tiffany that sustains me! Thank you God!
There are times now when I weep for Sheila and my parents. I can not imagine what they are dealing with and how they are dealing with Jay. I know that this is the time for questions sometimes to God sometimes to others......emotions are not only high...but we are all tending to wear them in our armpits....heh heh.....most of the time we don't show them (our feelings that is) but every now and then we lift our arms up and we chew someone out for no reason...and never an apology is necessary because we all know that we are all dealing with Jay's loss differently. It is hard, but it is peaceful. I know that Jay is present in that weird peaceful, loving, freaky way, heh. Sometimes it is obvious, others it is just a sense...but still it is nice.......
But the one presence I have been closest with through all of this is Christ. He is comforting me with those beautiful nail pierced hands and sweet arms of comfort! He is crying with me and Tiffany each night and in the shower, and in Halmark and Wal-Mart and @ the food court in the mall. He is just present in our midst and he is there with out any invoking or asking for it...He is just there! I have found out that people I don't even know I am able to share the peace of Christ with....from husbands standing in the same women's underwear section of Sears waiting for our wives to get out of the dressing room to a 15 year old girl that took my order of the Dairy Queen in the food court of the mall. I see Jesus in everyone and especially the possibility of Jesus in everyone and I could probably find a rock on the road and have a best friend with-in 10 mins. ha ha. I just love people and as Jay grew into his spiritual life and deeper and deeper into relationship with God he too had that same ability and gift to see Jesus in everyone! Jay is my hero! I love him so much! He is my big brother, and lived more life in 35 years than most people did in a lifetime. He looked at everything with fresh eyes and a pure heart. He never took anything for granted and I loved that and miss that. I hope he can continue to point out the small and amazing things of life in this world and get lots of practice where he is at now to point them out in the world to come for most of us too!
OK enough ranting for tonight!
The viewing for Jay is tomorrow @ the Sloom Funeral Home in Mt. Pleasant PA starting @ 7:00 lasting until 9:00 pm...and I think there is another two on Monday 2:00 pm-5:00pm & 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. I think around here they require the family to be there during all the times...so we would love to see any of you!
The funeral will be held @ the Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church in Dawson, PA @ 11:00 am Tuesday morning with the committal service to follow at the grave side (on that amazing hill)
the church address is:
Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church
Griscom Street & Howell Street
DAWSON, PA 15428
724 529-2925
For those of you who are reading this locally and need directions here is a map of Dawson:
Sheila (and the rest of us) thought that it would be wonderful that instead of flowers that you give any money, thoughts, and/or prayers to Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church, or The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, or lastly,of course, The National Multiple Scleroscis Society.
The donation pages are the link behind the names of those places...except for the church and you can just send a check or what ever to the church to make a donation. I know that Jay would have wanted your God given resources to go towards sharing the good news of Christ and promoting healing in this world much more than just flowers that look and small good for a while but then don't have as long of a lasting effect as these wonderful places do for the world we live in and the lives that we can touch throughout the life of Jay who touched us. Thank you all!
Love yall and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!! (we all always need them!)
Oh and I just want you all to know if you would like to see or even meet my brother in pictures please stop on by his web site and take a good look at my hero!
WWW.HOLLUMS.COM
you know after going back to his site I want you all to read from Jay the thank you letter that he sent out to everyone (including you!) around Christmas last year..when we all thought he was in remission. It is amazing to hear these words written from Jay at this time....he is ministering to each of us even now, heh heh.
First, and foremost, I want to say thank you to all of the people that are reading this! I know if you are reading this you have at least at some point worried or been concerned about me. And I want you all to understand the glorious impact that your prayers have had on me and those around me.
When you first find out that you have cancer, it is very hard to believe. You just say to yourself that it is not possible. And you just wait patiently for the doctors to come back with a different reason that you are not feeling perfect. However, once it sinks in you just sit there and try to understand. I think I handled the diagnosis very well, but I had no idea what I was in for when it came to the cure. Chemotherapy is amazingly tough. For me I think it was tougher than the cancer. I just kept telling myself that my God has a purpose for everything, even if I don't understand it. I proceeded to ask for prayers and blessings from all the people I know and the church that I love. I know that many people prayed for my health, and I will take all the prayers that people are willing to make on my behalf, but I will tell you this; I have never seen prayer work as effectively as it did this time. Not necessarily as a cure for my cancer (it is in remission and undetectable right now), but as an impact on my friends and family and myself. I have never felt so much love all the time coming from every where. Your prayers comforted me, my wife, and my family. They allowed me to feel wrapped in love and that is an AMAZING feeling. I have always said that the greatest miracle that God can do is not to move a mountain, but to change a heart. I have no doubt that through your prayers for me and my illness; MANY hearts were changed forever. If you ever wonder why people are allowed to ever get sick, then just realize the changed hearts of the people that form due to experiencing an illness or even a death are a great miracle. Sometimes, the only way to change a heart is through observation of another's illness or death. I truly hope that your spiritual life has grown in some way as you followed my struggles.
I continue to pray for all of you in return, even if I don't know all the names of the people that prayed for me. May God bless you all for your concern, prayers, and, more to the point, your deep abiding love. Keep praying as we all need miracles. Thank you once again, your prayers and Christ's love hold me together day by day as this ordeal finishes up with the final testing and follow up treatments. I believe it is by the grace of God and your wonderful prayers that I am where I am today.
Your brother in Christ,
Jay Hollums
I miss and love you too Jay!
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Jay is with JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know there can never be enough exclamation marks after that statement. I know that this day is the day that my faith and hope in Christ is fleshed out. Today, I stood in a small ICU room with my family, four other pastors, a big wig Cancer doctor, and several nurses watching from outside double doors, All of whom Jay had touched the lives of. We stood there watching him with a tube in his mouth and a colorful pink air blanket covering him (to keep him cool from his temperature being so high). He looked uncomfortable...but his soul was so beautiful! I will never forget the time, place, what I was doing and thinking when each of my family members passed away. And Jay is no different. Sometimes today I felt sorrow other times peace, happiness, worship, joy, and most of all love! Love flowing from every part of who I am. After all, love is the greatest of all of these. I (like all Christians should) long for the time in our lives that faith and hope no longer exist, because we will be in the presence of Christ...and love is all that remains.
----------------------------
My brother's favorite verses in the Bible are John chapter 1 verses 1-18:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the light. The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world came into being through him; yet the world did not know him. He came to what was his own, and his own people did not accept him. But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father's only son, full of grace and truth. (John testified to him and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me ranks ahead of me because he was before me."') From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. The law indeed was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God. It is God the only Son, who is close to the Father's heart, who has made him known.
Jay would tell me all the time that he was obsessed with these verses. And all the time we would talk about what they mean and why they were some of the most important of all the verses in the Bible. Tiffany shared his obsession with these verses and they would talk for hours on what they mean. These verses are so important because they speak to the divinity of Jesus Christ. The focal point of all of Christianity (this man named Jesus)......and if Jesus was not God then he was (quoting Tiffany) "just a really really great guy, that did a bunch of really really great things...that did not amount to a hill of beans". Jesus was, is, and will always be God in the flesh. He was, is, and will always be the light for and to the world that we live in, and He is The Way, The Truth, and The Life for all of his creation (those of us living and those of us who have joined the church triumphant)! And, what was said so beautifully by John could very easily be said of Jay (whose name by the way is John) and all those who share Christ in this world. I thank God every day for my brother by blood...but I praise God every second from the essence of my being that Jesus is King of my brother and lived in him just like he lives in me.
(These words may be preachy for some of you, but what can you expect from a brother who just so happens to be a preacher, heh heh....but) I beg of you to read the words of John and search for yourself the truth in them. I pray that you can find the light that Christ Jesus is and how much the one God in Jesus desires to be in relationship with you!
----------------------------
Well, we left the hospital only to drive to "Eat and Park". (yeah, I know, a very funny name for a sit down restaurant, heh heh) We ate because Sheila just knew that that was what Jay would have wanted us to do (and she is exactly right if my brother was anything like his little brother, ha ha ha. (I have always said there is something special and holy about eating with each other) We then drove back to Jay and Sheila's house. During the drive home on the radio (XM Radio listening to the Christian station named The Fish) every single song was a great song about heaven! They were all so special and wonderful! I don't know about anyone else in the car but I worshiped with my brother driving home to his old home (the one he is at now is probably freaking amazing!!!!). They (the songs) were all such a blessing that I am still blown away by how awesome God is at providing comfort in the midst of sorrow!
We got to his house and this is the place that it really hits you! This is when you go back to a place that oozes Jay. Everyone makes their home a piece of them and Jay is no different, heh. We got up stairs and helped Sheila pick out the clothes that Jay will wear on Tuesday for the funeral and worship service. Then we sat on their bed and turned on his magnificent TV that he loved so much! (It is an amazing TV BTW...much better than mine and that is saying something, heh) We watched a little of the Tonight show in High Def (heh heh) and now we are all going to bed for the first time knowing that Jay is no longer suffering and in a place that "rest" is not even a word to describe what he is experiencing.
I love you Jay! I always will!!!!!!!!!! Never, will I do any ministry unless you are beside me and with me lifting up the good news and name of Jesus the Christ our Messiah King! Give Him a kiss for us and tell him we will be there soon enough, but we are going to be bringing a few more people with us on our travel there!
In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.......Amen! To all of you reading this blog, may all of your souls be at peace and may yall experience the love, grace, and peace flowing from the arms that Jesus has wrapped around you!
----------------------------
My brother's favorite verses in the Bible are John chapter 1 verses 1-18:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the light. The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world came into being through him; yet the world did not know him. He came to what was his own, and his own people did not accept him. But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father's only son, full of grace and truth. (John testified to him and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me ranks ahead of me because he was before me."') From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. The law indeed was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God. It is God the only Son, who is close to the Father's heart, who has made him known.
Jay would tell me all the time that he was obsessed with these verses. And all the time we would talk about what they mean and why they were some of the most important of all the verses in the Bible. Tiffany shared his obsession with these verses and they would talk for hours on what they mean. These verses are so important because they speak to the divinity of Jesus Christ. The focal point of all of Christianity (this man named Jesus)......and if Jesus was not God then he was (quoting Tiffany) "just a really really great guy, that did a bunch of really really great things...that did not amount to a hill of beans". Jesus was, is, and will always be God in the flesh. He was, is, and will always be the light for and to the world that we live in, and He is The Way, The Truth, and The Life for all of his creation (those of us living and those of us who have joined the church triumphant)! And, what was said so beautifully by John could very easily be said of Jay (whose name by the way is John) and all those who share Christ in this world. I thank God every day for my brother by blood...but I praise God every second from the essence of my being that Jesus is King of my brother and lived in him just like he lives in me.
(These words may be preachy for some of you, but what can you expect from a brother who just so happens to be a preacher, heh heh....but) I beg of you to read the words of John and search for yourself the truth in them. I pray that you can find the light that Christ Jesus is and how much the one God in Jesus desires to be in relationship with you!
----------------------------
Well, we left the hospital only to drive to "Eat and Park". (yeah, I know, a very funny name for a sit down restaurant, heh heh) We ate because Sheila just knew that that was what Jay would have wanted us to do (and she is exactly right if my brother was anything like his little brother, ha ha ha. (I have always said there is something special and holy about eating with each other) We then drove back to Jay and Sheila's house. During the drive home on the radio (XM Radio listening to the Christian station named The Fish) every single song was a great song about heaven! They were all so special and wonderful! I don't know about anyone else in the car but I worshiped with my brother driving home to his old home (the one he is at now is probably freaking amazing!!!!). They (the songs) were all such a blessing that I am still blown away by how awesome God is at providing comfort in the midst of sorrow!
We got to his house and this is the place that it really hits you! This is when you go back to a place that oozes Jay. Everyone makes their home a piece of them and Jay is no different, heh. We got up stairs and helped Sheila pick out the clothes that Jay will wear on Tuesday for the funeral and worship service. Then we sat on their bed and turned on his magnificent TV that he loved so much! (It is an amazing TV BTW...much better than mine and that is saying something, heh) We watched a little of the Tonight show in High Def (heh heh) and now we are all going to bed for the first time knowing that Jay is no longer suffering and in a place that "rest" is not even a word to describe what he is experiencing.
I love you Jay! I always will!!!!!!!!!! Never, will I do any ministry unless you are beside me and with me lifting up the good news and name of Jesus the Christ our Messiah King! Give Him a kiss for us and tell him we will be there soon enough, but we are going to be bringing a few more people with us on our travel there!
In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.......Amen! To all of you reading this blog, may all of your souls be at peace and may yall experience the love, grace, and peace flowing from the arms that Jesus has wrapped around you!
Friday, March 18, 2005
Thursday, March 17, 2005
The quick one.......
Well, Tiffany and Sheila and I came back to Jay and Sehila's house to take a quick nap and to take showers from sleeping @ the hospital last night. Tiffany flies out tomorrow morning early...so we are just going to pack up te air bed and have Tiffany and I and Sheila sleep there @ the hospital and then I can drive Tiffany to the airport tomorrow morning and then come right back to the hospital and the air port is a lot closer to the hospital then Jay and Sheila's house.
Please keep praying for Jay please please please! The Dr. came in this morning and said his kidney is working more normal now...but everyone is worried about his stomach right now...due to the infection, Mucus stuff, and iritation from the radation. It is very sensitive to touch and is a possible breeding ground for a lot of bad stuff. So the Dr.'s want him to move around a little and not aloow the stomach fluids to settle and give bacteria a place to form. So they are incouraging Jay to move around and try to use his stomach muscles more.
Thanks for your prayers and be listening for more phone blog updates because I will not have internet @ the hospital. Thank you and God bless yall!
Please keep praying for Jay please please please! The Dr. came in this morning and said his kidney is working more normal now...but everyone is worried about his stomach right now...due to the infection, Mucus stuff, and iritation from the radation. It is very sensitive to touch and is a possible breeding ground for a lot of bad stuff. So the Dr.'s want him to move around a little and not aloow the stomach fluids to settle and give bacteria a place to form. So they are incouraging Jay to move around and try to use his stomach muscles more.
Thanks for your prayers and be listening for more phone blog updates because I will not have internet @ the hospital. Thank you and God bless yall!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The one about Jay doing so much better today.....
Well, we just got home and I almost was in tears tonight....when we went back for the 5:00 pm visiting time they had taken the breathing tube out of him and he was doing much better...with a breathing mask on...but his ands were still tied down because he was groggy and wanted to rip out his feeding tube in his nose. He would just shake his head a little and barely get the words of "yes" or "no" out to us.....but tonight @ the 9:00 pm visiting time he was doing very good! He was talking to us he was understanding us great and we spent most of the time cleaning his mouth out with glycerin swabs to clean out all the blood that was in his mouth from the breathing tube rubbing his mouth and throat and then the O2 mask was drying it out and causing him to have a very blood crusted mouth...the nurse gave us several frozen glycerin swabs and he loved those and we cleaned the blood the best we could.....he wanted water, but when he sucked on a small sponge to get maybe a tea spoon of water down it caused him to cough and not breathe as good....what can you expect when his throat has caked blood on the back of it?
He is doing so much better....Sheila and I wanted to start crying when he was talking to us and smiling at us and saying that he loved us (heh heh). Sheila has been saying this whole time how much she missed her Jay hugs...and tonight she got one! The nurse let us untie his hands and he would hold our hands and squeeze them the entire hour that we were there. He was so scared that it was the cancer that put him back in ICU...and he was so relieved to know that it was not the cancer and it was two infections that caused his blood pressure to go way down that made him go into ICU.
He was doing great and only got upset when we told him that we had to leave and that we would see him tomorrow, heh heh....that is a great way to make a brother and wife very happy! :)
All in all he is doing much better and I can say easily that he will at least make it out of the ICU....sometime.....
His hands and feet are still very swollen from all the fluids and they are hoping that they can pull the feeding tube from his nose tomorrow and maybe he can start eating some very soft foods....but I still worry about the throat hurting him....but I am sure they know what is best. I just wanted to go out of his room and dance a gig in the main ICU waiting room, heh. I did give his nurse a hug (it was the least I could do) she is so sweet and you can tell that she really loves Jay and takes care of him.
They are still saying that we will not know if the stem cell transplant took place until a few weeks out...but I hope to hear that news as soon as possible. They have no idea when he will be out of ICU or anything like that, but so far he has proven to be another miracle through this part of the process and he continues to fight anything that is getting in the way of him getting better and serve God to be who God has called him to be....heh..
We prayed together before I left and then I gave him and Sheila some alone time and he seems to be doing much better....maybe it took all those prayers from Sunday to hit 2 days later, heh. Thank you all again for all your prayers and thoughts and please keep them up...there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel...but he still has a lot to go through just to get out of ICU and then to attempt to get back to his room in the cancer ward. Thank you all again and love ya! God bless and please KUTPs!!!!! (but for tonight send up some praise with this prayers!)
He is doing so much better....Sheila and I wanted to start crying when he was talking to us and smiling at us and saying that he loved us (heh heh). Sheila has been saying this whole time how much she missed her Jay hugs...and tonight she got one! The nurse let us untie his hands and he would hold our hands and squeeze them the entire hour that we were there. He was so scared that it was the cancer that put him back in ICU...and he was so relieved to know that it was not the cancer and it was two infections that caused his blood pressure to go way down that made him go into ICU.
He was doing great and only got upset when we told him that we had to leave and that we would see him tomorrow, heh heh....that is a great way to make a brother and wife very happy! :)
All in all he is doing much better and I can say easily that he will at least make it out of the ICU....sometime.....
His hands and feet are still very swollen from all the fluids and they are hoping that they can pull the feeding tube from his nose tomorrow and maybe he can start eating some very soft foods....but I still worry about the throat hurting him....but I am sure they know what is best. I just wanted to go out of his room and dance a gig in the main ICU waiting room, heh. I did give his nurse a hug (it was the least I could do) she is so sweet and you can tell that she really loves Jay and takes care of him.
They are still saying that we will not know if the stem cell transplant took place until a few weeks out...but I hope to hear that news as soon as possible. They have no idea when he will be out of ICU or anything like that, but so far he has proven to be another miracle through this part of the process and he continues to fight anything that is getting in the way of him getting better and serve God to be who God has called him to be....heh..
We prayed together before I left and then I gave him and Sheila some alone time and he seems to be doing much better....maybe it took all those prayers from Sunday to hit 2 days later, heh. Thank you all again for all your prayers and thoughts and please keep them up...there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel...but he still has a lot to go through just to get out of ICU and then to attempt to get back to his room in the cancer ward. Thank you all again and love ya! God bless and please KUTPs!!!!! (but for tonight send up some praise with this prayers!)
The one about the morning update about Jay....
Well, Sheila calls every morning around 7:00 am here and gets a small update from the nurse and the nurse said that everything is still just fine nothing changed except his urin output is not what it should be.....so they are calling the Kidney Dr.s in to see what might be the problem... They have just pumped in him lots of fluids and nothing is coming out..... This could be another infection, but they are not sure.
Please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you! and type to yall tonight.
Please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you! and type to yall tonight.
The one about the morning update about Jay....
Well, Sheila calls every morning around 7:00 am here and gets a small update from the nurse and the nurse said that everything is still just fine nothing changed except his urin output is not what it should be.....so they are calling the Kidney Dr.s in to see what might be the problem... They have just pumped in him lots of fluids and nothing is coming out..... This could be another infection, but they are not sure.
Please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you! and type to yall tonight.
Please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you! and type to yall tonight.
Monday, March 14, 2005
The one about a long process but small battles being won....
Well, they found out that Jay had two infections (one in his blood and the other in his colon) Both are being taken care of and when we went to visit tonight he had no temperature!!!!!! His breathing is great, and his heart rate is just a little high, but within normal range for someone as young as he is. His feet and hands are swollen, but this is to be expected due to all the fluids they are giving him....they decided that there is no need for an EEG (to test if his brain waves are normal or not) and there was no need for a bronchial scope to check his lungs (they thought that they saw some liquid in his lungs...but the pulminary Dr.'s said it looked normal) they have also completely taken him off the blood pressure medicine and that is very good news...they also have stepped down his pain meds so he might be a little more responsive...but he really was not tonight for Sheila and me.
They are taking things very slowly, but he is in much better shape than when they put him in the ICU on Saturday!!!!
They still can not tell us when he will be taken off the respirator...and we are praying for his Stem Cell Transplant to still work OK. We also remember how bad he was in corporation with anyone the last time he came out of ICU. he was saying lots of not nice things, but still doing OK. He sure made his nurses frustrated, heh.
Well, that is about all....he is stabilizing very good through all of this...and I believe it is because of your thoughts and prayers and our praying with him each night before we leave his room. I know that he would love to tell each and every one of you how much he loves and thanks you all! Tank you and please KUTPs!!!!!!!
Good night!
They are taking things very slowly, but he is in much better shape than when they put him in the ICU on Saturday!!!!
They still can not tell us when he will be taken off the respirator...and we are praying for his Stem Cell Transplant to still work OK. We also remember how bad he was in corporation with anyone the last time he came out of ICU. he was saying lots of not nice things, but still doing OK. He sure made his nurses frustrated, heh.
Well, that is about all....he is stabilizing very good through all of this...and I believe it is because of your thoughts and prayers and our praying with him each night before we leave his room. I know that he would love to tell each and every one of you how much he loves and thanks you all! Tank you and please KUTPs!!!!!!!
Good night!
Sunday, March 13, 2005
The one about a little good news....
Well, Jay is still in ICU and not much has changed...but the CT scan they did this morning came back negative...so that meant there was no bleeding in his brain...and that is very good news!!!!! He is still very out of it and the best response I got from him today was this afternoon the 5:00 pm visiting time and he opened his eyes and rolled them a little bit at me, and that was about all. They have got everything under control except for his heart rate and they think that is caused by his pain...so we are waiting for his pain to get back under control.... his breathing is just fine and they could take him off the respirator....but the Dr. tonight said that his body might get too caught up in breathing and then breathing and the pain would be difficult for both processes to be taken care of....so they are just being careful and making sure everything is healing up OK before they introduce his body into the pain and breathing right now. He is peaceful laying there (even thought he looks like one of the Borg)..... The good news is he is not bleeding in his brain and that they took out his central line from his neck and put it into his groin. After they did that it looked like his temperature went away....so that central line might have been causing an infection....but they are of course "not sure".
He is in such a critical state right now and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your prayers and thoughts are so important right now.
needless to say....but please KUTPs!!!!!!!
============================
My father has come down with a sickness and so he has not gotten to see Jay at all since Jay went into ICU...so I am sure it is hard for him...but he seems to be getting very slowly better...the more rest he gets....and so because of that he has been staying at a hotel room and not been driving back to Jay and Sheila's house each night... please keep him and my Mom in your prayers as well.
=========================
Please pray for the Murphy family. They are a wonderful family that we have gotten to know very well of the last two days in the ICU waiting room. They are such a Godly family...and a very big family too, heh. But we have had many a time of laugher and good talk with them over these last few days... They are wonderful.
========================
I would just like to share how much my wife means to me. She has been here supporting our entire family with sweet words of love and support and caring for each of us when sometimes it is hard for us to care for one another. She supports me more and anyone in the world and I know I would not be the man of God I am today if it were not for her love and support for me. She is the greatest gift during this hard time for me....and she is the answer to so many of yalls prayers when you side pray for me and my family. I hope she does not have to leave any time soon, because if Jay's condition changes I know that I will need her sweet hand to hold and support me with the Jesus that lives in her! Thank you girl and I love you....(I doubt you will ever read this, but I love you sooooo much!
=====================
Yall have a good night and please in the midst of all things give praise to God the thunder speaker! Psalm 29.
KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!!
=============
Oh, here are some way over due emails from Sheila:
March 2nd:
TRANSPLANT STARTS SATURDAY!
They rushed his transplant to today, They called DG and had him go to
Albuquerque for the infectious disease markers today.
They ran more blood work on Jay today and he will get the set up marks for the
full body radiation on Friday after his standard treatment.
He will be getting high doses of cytoxin and full body radiation to kill his
existing bone marrow. He didn't not have radiation with his last transplant.
This will start Saturday and will be given over the coarse of next week.
Monday, DG will start his neupogen shots. They are shipping them to him in
Lexington, KY where he is going for a conference.
He will drive from Lexington to Pittsburgh and be here for Friday the 11th when
his stem cells will be extracted. They will freeze them and Saturday they will
inject them into Jay. He will probably be watched for a few days. He will need
to be brought into the hospital EVERY day for at least 2 weeks after that.
Jay's parents will be here Saturday and will stay as long as they need to.
His Doctor told him today this is the most aggressive cancer he has ever seen
and that is why he wants it expedited.
Tomorrow, I am taking him for a day on the town. We will go or do anything he
feels up to doing since it will be a very long time until he can do anything for
a while. Most likely it will be a window shopping trip to Best Buy.
Well, here we go.
Thanks to all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers and please
continue to do so over the next several weeks.
You are all truly appreciated.
Thanks,
Sheila
-----------------------------
March 5th:
We checked Jay in at 9:00 this morning. He has already had his cytoxin (chemo)
and they have irrigated his bladder (he his VERY unhappy about this). He was in
significant pain earlier but they now have him on a dulatid (sp) (morphine like
drug) pump and he says it is a miracle drug. He can give himself a dose every
10 minutes plus it administers a standard dose every ½ hour. He is very happy
with the pain med.
His parents were delayed in getting here and they should be here at 1:00 am but
won't come by the hospital until tomorrow.
Jay just ate 2 cookies and drank some milk the first thing he had all day.
Well, my aero bed awaits.
Goodnight all.
He is in room 711.
------------------------------
March 9th:
Everything is on course for the transplant. It should happen Saturday. DG is
here and he has started the neupogen and his bones are aching as normal.
DG will do the donation process on Friday.
Jay is doing well considering all that he has gone through. He has one more day
of radiation and the chemo is done.
He has had many interesting awake dreams. He dreamed last night that he had
the last drink left on the planet and the world was coming to an end but the
good guys were with him. He told me they made his drink using a blender that
went 800-900 RPMs. He said that he would rather have an appletini instead of
what they were giving him. (note: he doesn't even know what an appletini tastes
like because he's never had one.)
Yesterday, he told me not to get in trouble with the law by using the volcano to
break the law. He said his Dad showed him the catalog with the volcano in it.
This was really interesting since his Dad didn't even have a catalog to show him
let alone one with a volcano. I promised him that I would only use volcanos for
good and not evil.
Really not much more to add. Everything is on track.
--------------------------
March 11th:
They moved Jay's transplant up to today and he is officially transplanted. They
keep telling him Happy Birthday here at the hospital because it is as if he has
been reborn.
I was teasing him and said "you'll do anything to get 2 birthday's a year :-))
He has been in severe pain caused by the total body irradiation and now they
have him on a very high dose of a morphine like drug and he is sedated most of
the time and this is probably for the best since he is so uncomfortable.
The pain management Doctors are officially monitoring his pain needs and
approved increase in his pain pump medication today.
He talked to me some tonight and he is being very sweet but very drowsy,
DG donated his cells this morning and he had enough to give to Jay today and
enough to freeze for later if we need to them. He was a stem cell making
machine. Jay has a truly remarkable brother.
They are going to keep him for at least a few more days because the pain is too
much to control at home. Hopefully, by Monday they can start thinking of
sending him home. He will still need to see the Doctors every day but at least
he'll be able to sleep in his own bed.
Thanks everyone for your prayers and thoughts. They have gotten us this far.
Thanks,
Sheila
====================================
As you can see a lot has gone on since her last email...and she has not been able to type one up for a few days...(since he has been in ICU) so I just wanted yall to have all of her emails....I try to give you all the one I have missed through this crazy time.
One other thing....the Dr. that we saw tonight was so sweet! He is a Internal Medican Dr. and he is doing his residency at the hospital...He is such a nice guy from India...and He told Sheila and me in Jay's ICU room tonight that he was watched a movie one day about a Dr. that was trying to treat a man in a town who had cancer and this man he was trying to treat would always make everyone smile and love on everyone....and the Dr. really wanted to help this man because he knew if he helped this man that he would really be helping so many other people because of the way that this man lived his life loving others.......well, he told us that every time he thought about Jay that he tonight about that man in that movie....and He just really like Jay....heh heh.....That one almost got me but I held it in...and now I am going to go to bed...and tell Tiffany that some story. :) It is amazing that Jay is doing ministry for God while unconscious in an ICU room....it really makes you think how much ministry have you done today while you are awake and feeling just fine?
Love yall and God bless yall! Love in Christ......KUTPs!!!!!!!!
He is in such a critical state right now and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your prayers and thoughts are so important right now.
needless to say....but please KUTPs!!!!!!!
============================
My father has come down with a sickness and so he has not gotten to see Jay at all since Jay went into ICU...so I am sure it is hard for him...but he seems to be getting very slowly better...the more rest he gets....and so because of that he has been staying at a hotel room and not been driving back to Jay and Sheila's house each night... please keep him and my Mom in your prayers as well.
=========================
Please pray for the Murphy family. They are a wonderful family that we have gotten to know very well of the last two days in the ICU waiting room. They are such a Godly family...and a very big family too, heh. But we have had many a time of laugher and good talk with them over these last few days... They are wonderful.
========================
I would just like to share how much my wife means to me. She has been here supporting our entire family with sweet words of love and support and caring for each of us when sometimes it is hard for us to care for one another. She supports me more and anyone in the world and I know I would not be the man of God I am today if it were not for her love and support for me. She is the greatest gift during this hard time for me....and she is the answer to so many of yalls prayers when you side pray for me and my family. I hope she does not have to leave any time soon, because if Jay's condition changes I know that I will need her sweet hand to hold and support me with the Jesus that lives in her! Thank you girl and I love you....(I doubt you will ever read this, but I love you sooooo much!
=====================
Yall have a good night and please in the midst of all things give praise to God the thunder speaker! Psalm 29.
KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!!
=============
Oh, here are some way over due emails from Sheila:
March 2nd:
TRANSPLANT STARTS SATURDAY!
They rushed his transplant to today, They called DG and had him go to
Albuquerque for the infectious disease markers today.
They ran more blood work on Jay today and he will get the set up marks for the
full body radiation on Friday after his standard treatment.
He will be getting high doses of cytoxin and full body radiation to kill his
existing bone marrow. He didn't not have radiation with his last transplant.
This will start Saturday and will be given over the coarse of next week.
Monday, DG will start his neupogen shots. They are shipping them to him in
Lexington, KY where he is going for a conference.
He will drive from Lexington to Pittsburgh and be here for Friday the 11th when
his stem cells will be extracted. They will freeze them and Saturday they will
inject them into Jay. He will probably be watched for a few days. He will need
to be brought into the hospital EVERY day for at least 2 weeks after that.
Jay's parents will be here Saturday and will stay as long as they need to.
His Doctor told him today this is the most aggressive cancer he has ever seen
and that is why he wants it expedited.
Tomorrow, I am taking him for a day on the town. We will go or do anything he
feels up to doing since it will be a very long time until he can do anything for
a while. Most likely it will be a window shopping trip to Best Buy.
Well, here we go.
Thanks to all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers and please
continue to do so over the next several weeks.
You are all truly appreciated.
Thanks,
Sheila
-----------------------------
March 5th:
We checked Jay in at 9:00 this morning. He has already had his cytoxin (chemo)
and they have irrigated his bladder (he his VERY unhappy about this). He was in
significant pain earlier but they now have him on a dulatid (sp) (morphine like
drug) pump and he says it is a miracle drug. He can give himself a dose every
10 minutes plus it administers a standard dose every ½ hour. He is very happy
with the pain med.
His parents were delayed in getting here and they should be here at 1:00 am but
won't come by the hospital until tomorrow.
Jay just ate 2 cookies and drank some milk the first thing he had all day.
Well, my aero bed awaits.
Goodnight all.
He is in room 711.
------------------------------
March 9th:
Everything is on course for the transplant. It should happen Saturday. DG is
here and he has started the neupogen and his bones are aching as normal.
DG will do the donation process on Friday.
Jay is doing well considering all that he has gone through. He has one more day
of radiation and the chemo is done.
He has had many interesting awake dreams. He dreamed last night that he had
the last drink left on the planet and the world was coming to an end but the
good guys were with him. He told me they made his drink using a blender that
went 800-900 RPMs. He said that he would rather have an appletini instead of
what they were giving him. (note: he doesn't even know what an appletini tastes
like because he's never had one.)
Yesterday, he told me not to get in trouble with the law by using the volcano to
break the law. He said his Dad showed him the catalog with the volcano in it.
This was really interesting since his Dad didn't even have a catalog to show him
let alone one with a volcano. I promised him that I would only use volcanos for
good and not evil.
Really not much more to add. Everything is on track.
--------------------------
March 11th:
They moved Jay's transplant up to today and he is officially transplanted. They
keep telling him Happy Birthday here at the hospital because it is as if he has
been reborn.
I was teasing him and said "you'll do anything to get 2 birthday's a year :-))
He has been in severe pain caused by the total body irradiation and now they
have him on a very high dose of a morphine like drug and he is sedated most of
the time and this is probably for the best since he is so uncomfortable.
The pain management Doctors are officially monitoring his pain needs and
approved increase in his pain pump medication today.
He talked to me some tonight and he is being very sweet but very drowsy,
DG donated his cells this morning and he had enough to give to Jay today and
enough to freeze for later if we need to them. He was a stem cell making
machine. Jay has a truly remarkable brother.
They are going to keep him for at least a few more days because the pain is too
much to control at home. Hopefully, by Monday they can start thinking of
sending him home. He will still need to see the Doctors every day but at least
he'll be able to sleep in his own bed.
Thanks everyone for your prayers and thoughts. They have gotten us this far.
Thanks,
Sheila
====================================
As you can see a lot has gone on since her last email...and she has not been able to type one up for a few days...(since he has been in ICU) so I just wanted yall to have all of her emails....I try to give you all the one I have missed through this crazy time.
One other thing....the Dr. that we saw tonight was so sweet! He is a Internal Medican Dr. and he is doing his residency at the hospital...He is such a nice guy from India...and He told Sheila and me in Jay's ICU room tonight that he was watched a movie one day about a Dr. that was trying to treat a man in a town who had cancer and this man he was trying to treat would always make everyone smile and love on everyone....and the Dr. really wanted to help this man because he knew if he helped this man that he would really be helping so many other people because of the way that this man lived his life loving others.......well, he told us that every time he thought about Jay that he tonight about that man in that movie....and He just really like Jay....heh heh.....That one almost got me but I held it in...and now I am going to go to bed...and tell Tiffany that some story. :) It is amazing that Jay is doing ministry for God while unconscious in an ICU room....it really makes you think how much ministry have you done today while you are awake and feeling just fine?
Love yall and God bless yall! Love in Christ......KUTPs!!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
The one about a crazy day...and Jay needing the prayers to get into high gear....
Well, if you did not listen to the audio post...Jay is now in ICU.....this was not expected and as soon as Tiffany and I got to Jay's room this morning he was as red as a lobster, and rithing in pain. It was not nice to see him like that and by the look on Sheila's face she was not being to totally handle him being in so much pain either.... Well, then Jay told Sheila he wanted to use the bathroom to pee, and Jay had gone down hill over night and he could not hold himself up enough to even walk to the bathroom....so Sheila was going to help him sit up in his bed and pee into a urinal...and then he just collapsed in her arms and Sheila could not tell if he was breathing. Tiffany and I were leaving his room to give them both privacy, and as I was closing the door to his room I heard Sheila yelling out, "call the nurse" I told an orderly to get a nurse and as soon as I could run back into Jay's room he was laying on his bed and it looked like he was having a seizure (his eyes were in the back of his head and he was totally red....but no movement) before I could get beside his bed the nurses ran in (all of them) and I left his room...and then Sheila kind of walked out into the hall with me and I hugged her....they then proceeded to call a "code blue" where they say the code blue and the room number over the entire hospital and every medical Dr. on the floor or area immediately runs to that room to help out. They immediately put a breathing tube in him and tried to stabilize him. they had to wait for several mins before a room in ICU became available...and then moved him there. We then helped Sheila pack up him room and put what we could into her car and then we went to eat lunch...because they will not let you see any ICU patient unless it is during visiting hrs.... (1:30-2:30 pm, 5:00-6:00 pm, and 9:00-10:00 pm) so we got back to the ICU waiting room at 2:30 pm and they would not let anyone in because they still had not stabilized him. They eventually got him in stable critical condition and let Sheila go back and then we went back @ 5:00 and he was hooked up to all kinds of stuff and the breathing tube(....he hates that) he was a little responsive...but not much. and then when we went in @ 9:00 pm he was bright red in his face and his hands were burning up (when they were cold earlier) and his blood pressure was WAY down.....then the Nurse came in and gave him Sodium Bicarbonate (sp?) and it was amazing!!!! His color went back to normal, his hands were cold again, and his breathing went back to s more healthy rate! It was amazing....but no one knows what exactly is going on and what it causing anything....because there are so many things going on that they don't know which on is doing it.....the one thing we do know is his white blood cell count was 2!!!! So it is almost positive that it was not the cancer, but they do know that his blood pressure is way out of wack.
Tiffany and Sheila and I are back here @ their house because they will not even let us see him in ICU until 1:30 pm...so hopefully it will be good for Sheila to be back home and attempt to get some fake rest in her own bed. She kept on saying that what happened today was the scariest thing that Jay has ever done and it really got to all of us! So now more than ever and I do mean it very much so.....Jay needs your prayers. The Dr. actually told me that Jay's body has got to heal and it really is in God's hands now for that to happen......so as I type this with tears running down my face......please pray for Jay..Thank you and love you all!
Tiffany and Sheila and I are back here @ their house because they will not even let us see him in ICU until 1:30 pm...so hopefully it will be good for Sheila to be back home and attempt to get some fake rest in her own bed. She kept on saying that what happened today was the scariest thing that Jay has ever done and it really got to all of us! So now more than ever and I do mean it very much so.....Jay needs your prayers. The Dr. actually told me that Jay's body has got to heal and it really is in God's hands now for that to happen......so as I type this with tears running down my face......please pray for Jay..Thank you and love you all!
Friday, March 11, 2005
The one about Jay getting my stem cells and Sheila's computer not working....
Well, I am typing this from Sheila's laptop here in Jay's room as he sleeps in a drug induced dream state. heh heh.... he sure is funny when he takes this much Adavan....but it also helps his pain a little and that is what is important for now....
This morning I went in a did my harvesting of my stem cells and it took about 3.5 hrs hooked up to the machine with one BIG needle in my left arm and a smaller one in my right hand. The machine would take my blood separate it out in to red, white, and plasma....and then pump it back into me. IT was a weird feeling because every now and then my teeth or butt would tingle, but other than that it was OK. Then I was a little tired and came back up to Jay's room. and around 2:45 pm EST they brought in my Stem cells to give to Jay.....Oh BTW....did I mention that they need 3,000 Stem cells for the procedure to come close to working and I gave them 11,000!!!!!!!! They put 6,000 in him right now and froze 5,000 to maybe give him at a later day if he needed them. Oh yeah....my stem cells must be like my hair and I got plenty of them both!!! heh.....
Well, Jay has taken them very good so far, but now it is a waiting game to see if they are working on killing off the cancer. That is where all the prayer needs to be directed for now. Apparently, for this procedure they did not kill off ALL the cancer cells with the radiation, in the hopes that the difference between us genetically will have my stem cells killing off his cancer cells and leaving everything else alone......
They have not given us a time frame as to when they will know for the radiation/chemo and transplant was successful, so now comes the time that we are patiently waiting and Jay does some painful suffering before he can get better. He is in a lot of pain right now...and has been ever since the last round of radiation from yesterday morning. The Dr. came by and assumed that the pain was acid reflux from the radiation.....but Jay told him it was primarily on his sides, and when he took deep breaths. It seems to really hurt him when he does a painful hick-up thing or when he moves from side to side....but the Dr. said that it is probably caused by inflammation of the linings of his lungs and possibly his heart from the radiation.....The Dr. told him that these next few days will be hard ones and smiled.... The head Dr. is really great and very sweet to all of us.....
Well, I don't know when they will let Jay go home to heal and drive back and forth each day...but maybe that will be soon and Jay can sleep in his own home and bed! But he did not do the usual and fight to go home, because his pain is so bad he knew that he wanted to stay here until they got it under control.
PLEASE KUTPs!!!!!!!!!
================================
I tried for 3 hrs last night to get the internet @ the hotel working with no luck, and so I had to wait until now to update via type and not only the phone updates. Thanks for your patience and I hope the audio blogs are not too bad.
===============================
Sheila and Tiffany are having lots of jokes about how Jay is going to slowly become me now that he has my stem cells, heh and usually it is all bad things that Jay has done that they have blamed on me so far....so I better get used to them...I have a feeling this will be going on for a long time......(I sure would not mind it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Well, for now, I think when Tiffany and Sheila gets back form dinner that we will play one more Skip-Bo game and we will go back to the hotel for my dad to get some sleep. I hate that Tiffany is leaving tomorrow, but I know it is for the best....I am just going to really miss her......she is the foundation for me as I am ministering here. Well.... her and God of course, heh.....
We have been ministering to anyone God sends our way. We prayed with the stem cells and the nurse and the technition right after we finished the harvesting and all the people we meet in the waiting room, and even one girl who was waiting for a job interview on the floor my brother is on, heh.
We are all very tired, but doing just fine and I can not tell yall how much we love and wish we could hug each and every one of you! Please keep up the prayers and know that God is with you right now....just like He is with us!
This morning I went in a did my harvesting of my stem cells and it took about 3.5 hrs hooked up to the machine with one BIG needle in my left arm and a smaller one in my right hand. The machine would take my blood separate it out in to red, white, and plasma....and then pump it back into me. IT was a weird feeling because every now and then my teeth or butt would tingle, but other than that it was OK. Then I was a little tired and came back up to Jay's room. and around 2:45 pm EST they brought in my Stem cells to give to Jay.....Oh BTW....did I mention that they need 3,000 Stem cells for the procedure to come close to working and I gave them 11,000!!!!!!!! They put 6,000 in him right now and froze 5,000 to maybe give him at a later day if he needed them. Oh yeah....my stem cells must be like my hair and I got plenty of them both!!! heh.....
Well, Jay has taken them very good so far, but now it is a waiting game to see if they are working on killing off the cancer. That is where all the prayer needs to be directed for now. Apparently, for this procedure they did not kill off ALL the cancer cells with the radiation, in the hopes that the difference between us genetically will have my stem cells killing off his cancer cells and leaving everything else alone......
They have not given us a time frame as to when they will know for the radiation/chemo and transplant was successful, so now comes the time that we are patiently waiting and Jay does some painful suffering before he can get better. He is in a lot of pain right now...and has been ever since the last round of radiation from yesterday morning. The Dr. came by and assumed that the pain was acid reflux from the radiation.....but Jay told him it was primarily on his sides, and when he took deep breaths. It seems to really hurt him when he does a painful hick-up thing or when he moves from side to side....but the Dr. said that it is probably caused by inflammation of the linings of his lungs and possibly his heart from the radiation.....The Dr. told him that these next few days will be hard ones and smiled.... The head Dr. is really great and very sweet to all of us.....
Well, I don't know when they will let Jay go home to heal and drive back and forth each day...but maybe that will be soon and Jay can sleep in his own home and bed! But he did not do the usual and fight to go home, because his pain is so bad he knew that he wanted to stay here until they got it under control.
PLEASE KUTPs!!!!!!!!!
================================
I tried for 3 hrs last night to get the internet @ the hotel working with no luck, and so I had to wait until now to update via type and not only the phone updates. Thanks for your patience and I hope the audio blogs are not too bad.
===============================
Sheila and Tiffany are having lots of jokes about how Jay is going to slowly become me now that he has my stem cells, heh and usually it is all bad things that Jay has done that they have blamed on me so far....so I better get used to them...I have a feeling this will be going on for a long time......(I sure would not mind it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Well, for now, I think when Tiffany and Sheila gets back form dinner that we will play one more Skip-Bo game and we will go back to the hotel for my dad to get some sleep. I hate that Tiffany is leaving tomorrow, but I know it is for the best....I am just going to really miss her......she is the foundation for me as I am ministering here. Well.... her and God of course, heh.....
We have been ministering to anyone God sends our way. We prayed with the stem cells and the nurse and the technition right after we finished the harvesting and all the people we meet in the waiting room, and even one girl who was waiting for a job interview on the floor my brother is on, heh.
We are all very tired, but doing just fine and I can not tell yall how much we love and wish we could hug each and every one of you! Please keep up the prayers and know that God is with you right now....just like He is with us!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
The one about the transplant is a go.....and my next two weeks are crazy.
Jay's new updates:
March 1st, '05:
Jay's transplant has been approved by the insurance!!!!!
We are now waiting for a few things. Jay had blood work done Mon. to look for infectious disease markers so they know what he is susceptible to. He will also have to have a pulmonary test and a muga scan (heart function) before he can proceed.
DG called this afternoon and said that have to have him come to Pittsburgh in order to get the blood work done here because they don't trust other labs because they don't deal with transplants.
DG and Tiffany will be here on the 8th and 9th. DG will have to return to Sante Fe because they don't know when the transplant will happen. He will need to come back up for it. Originally they were going to ship a kit to his Doctor in Santa Fe but decided against it. DG will be in Lexington KY the week he has to come here and he is going to drive up and back.
Jay is in terrible pain from his shoulder again and the Dr. just called to triple his pain medication. He really doesn't want to be admitted but if the increased medication doesn't do the trick I will be taking him in tonight. He is set to be in short stay tomorrow for radiation and another lumbar puncture. We cancelled the radiation appointment this morning since he had been up all night, was in so much pain and the weather was bad. The tech said that skipping one day was not an issue.
I also got a call this afternoon from my Doctor's office telling me that my infusion next week has been cancelled since the medication has been pulled form the market because someone died who had been on the medication long term. I have to go back on the once a week injection. This was not happy news for me.
That's all for now.
Thanks,
Sheila
-------------------------------------
MARCH 2ND 2005!!!!:
TRANSPLANT STARTS SATURDAY!
They rushed his transplant to today, They called DG and had him go to Albquerque for the infectious disease markers today.
They ran more blood work on Jay today and he will get the set up marks for the full body radiation on Friday after his standard treatment.
He will be getting high doses of cytoxin and full body radiation to kill his existing bone marrow. He didn't not have radiation with his last transplant.
This will start Saturday and will be given over the coarse of next week. Monday, DG will start his neupogen shots. They are shipping them to him in Lexington, KY where he is going for a conference.
He will drive from Lexington to Pittsburgh and be here for Friday the 11th when his stem cells will be extracted. They will freeze them and Saturday they will inject them into Jay. He will probably be watched for a few days. He will need to be brought into the hospital EVERY day for at least 2 weeks after that.
Jay's parents will be here Saturday and will stay as long as they need to.
His Doctor told him today this is the most aggressive cancer he has ever seen and that is why he wants it expedited.
Tomorrow, I am taking him for a day on the town. We will go or do anything he feels up to doing since it will be a very long time until he can do anything for a while. Most likely it will be a window shopping trip to Best Buy.
Well, here we go.
Thanks to all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers and please continue to do so over the next several weeks.
You are all truly appreciated.
Thanks,
Sheila
=========================================
Tiffany and I are traveling Thursday evening to her parent's house. (drop off the Dog and Cat) and then we drive to Sacramento Camp to do the Jr. High camp over the weekend...Then we leave Sunday morning and drive to El Paso (closest airport) fly to KY for Methodist conference stuff, have two meetings on Monday and Tuesday, then drive to Pittsburgh (9 hr. drive). once in Pitt then I continue to take shots in my stomach (all part of the bone marrow transplant stuff...I take 1-2 shots in my stomach each day for 5 days and then they harvest my stem cells out of my blood stream until they have enough...then they freeze my stem cells, and give them to Jay during the transplant.) So While I am at these meetings in KY I am taking shots and then Tiffany and I drive the rental car up to Pitt, and they keep an eye on me and Jay....then Tiffany has to leave on Thursday to drive back to KY and fly back to El Paso on Friday, then drive back to Lovington to get the dog and cat, then drive back to Santa Fe....and then she waits for me until I get back....all the while I will be gone during Holy Week, the Holiest part of the Christian Calendar, and the Sr. Pastor is doing everything...and I feel bad about that, but I will do ANYTHING for my brother and anything it takes I will do. So, I will probably wait around until we know that the transplant worked ad the fly back to Albuquerque...with money that God will have to provide, heh. (I am sure He will and all things will be just fine.....
So needless to say my next few weeks are going to be CRAZY! But, I beg each of you to please keep your prayers focused on Jay please.....
=====================================
so....most of my blog posts will be from my cell over the next couple of days, and I am not sure if I will even have cell coverage @ the camp...so be patient, and thank you all so much for your prayers and I can not tell you how much I love and appreciate you and your thoughts and prayers!
===================================
"Darwin award winner runner-up"
============================
Much love....peace.....
KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 1st, '05:
Jay's transplant has been approved by the insurance!!!!!
We are now waiting for a few things. Jay had blood work done Mon. to look for infectious disease markers so they know what he is susceptible to. He will also have to have a pulmonary test and a muga scan (heart function) before he can proceed.
DG called this afternoon and said that have to have him come to Pittsburgh in order to get the blood work done here because they don't trust other labs because they don't deal with transplants.
DG and Tiffany will be here on the 8th and 9th. DG will have to return to Sante Fe because they don't know when the transplant will happen. He will need to come back up for it. Originally they were going to ship a kit to his Doctor in Santa Fe but decided against it. DG will be in Lexington KY the week he has to come here and he is going to drive up and back.
Jay is in terrible pain from his shoulder again and the Dr. just called to triple his pain medication. He really doesn't want to be admitted but if the increased medication doesn't do the trick I will be taking him in tonight. He is set to be in short stay tomorrow for radiation and another lumbar puncture. We cancelled the radiation appointment this morning since he had been up all night, was in so much pain and the weather was bad. The tech said that skipping one day was not an issue.
I also got a call this afternoon from my Doctor's office telling me that my infusion next week has been cancelled since the medication has been pulled form the market because someone died who had been on the medication long term. I have to go back on the once a week injection. This was not happy news for me.
That's all for now.
Thanks,
Sheila
-------------------------------------
MARCH 2ND 2005!!!!:
TRANSPLANT STARTS SATURDAY!
They rushed his transplant to today, They called DG and had him go to Albquerque for the infectious disease markers today.
They ran more blood work on Jay today and he will get the set up marks for the full body radiation on Friday after his standard treatment.
He will be getting high doses of cytoxin and full body radiation to kill his existing bone marrow. He didn't not have radiation with his last transplant.
This will start Saturday and will be given over the coarse of next week. Monday, DG will start his neupogen shots. They are shipping them to him in Lexington, KY where he is going for a conference.
He will drive from Lexington to Pittsburgh and be here for Friday the 11th when his stem cells will be extracted. They will freeze them and Saturday they will inject them into Jay. He will probably be watched for a few days. He will need to be brought into the hospital EVERY day for at least 2 weeks after that.
Jay's parents will be here Saturday and will stay as long as they need to.
His Doctor told him today this is the most aggressive cancer he has ever seen and that is why he wants it expedited.
Tomorrow, I am taking him for a day on the town. We will go or do anything he feels up to doing since it will be a very long time until he can do anything for a while. Most likely it will be a window shopping trip to Best Buy.
Well, here we go.
Thanks to all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers and please continue to do so over the next several weeks.
You are all truly appreciated.
Thanks,
Sheila
=========================================
Tiffany and I are traveling Thursday evening to her parent's house. (drop off the Dog and Cat) and then we drive to Sacramento Camp to do the Jr. High camp over the weekend...Then we leave Sunday morning and drive to El Paso (closest airport) fly to KY for Methodist conference stuff, have two meetings on Monday and Tuesday, then drive to Pittsburgh (9 hr. drive). once in Pitt then I continue to take shots in my stomach (all part of the bone marrow transplant stuff...I take 1-2 shots in my stomach each day for 5 days and then they harvest my stem cells out of my blood stream until they have enough...then they freeze my stem cells, and give them to Jay during the transplant.) So While I am at these meetings in KY I am taking shots and then Tiffany and I drive the rental car up to Pitt, and they keep an eye on me and Jay....then Tiffany has to leave on Thursday to drive back to KY and fly back to El Paso on Friday, then drive back to Lovington to get the dog and cat, then drive back to Santa Fe....and then she waits for me until I get back....all the while I will be gone during Holy Week, the Holiest part of the Christian Calendar, and the Sr. Pastor is doing everything...and I feel bad about that, but I will do ANYTHING for my brother and anything it takes I will do. So, I will probably wait around until we know that the transplant worked ad the fly back to Albuquerque...with money that God will have to provide, heh. (I am sure He will and all things will be just fine.....
So needless to say my next few weeks are going to be CRAZY! But, I beg each of you to please keep your prayers focused on Jay please.....
=====================================
so....most of my blog posts will be from my cell over the next couple of days, and I am not sure if I will even have cell coverage @ the camp...so be patient, and thank you all so much for your prayers and I can not tell you how much I love and appreciate you and your thoughts and prayers!
===================================
"Darwin award winner runner-up"
============================
Much love....peace.....
KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!!!
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