The one about the last viewings of Jay.....

Well, today was good, but today was hard. It seems to be the same with crying in the middle of no where, no specific place or thought or time, but I will just bust out in a thought that makes me tear up. And it never fails that laughter follows it. I weep for Jay mostly, but Sheila or my parents or someone else creeps in there too, heh.

I saw Jay's face for the last time in person until the day I see him again in heaven. It was not the Jay I know and knew. It was lifeless and souless, and I know that Jay of all things was not either of those. It was so good to meet all these people that Jay touched the life of. I had for the first time faces to go with all of Jay's stories. Some funny, some not so funny...but Jay loved them anyway and I did too! I even met a few people that read this blog each day and knew Jay through the life that I represented here on this blog, heh. It was amazing that they come to pay their respect and love for Jay and they had never met him, but they love and knew about him through me and this blog, heh.

I would find myself looking @ Jay and looking at his chest thinking to myself that I thought I saw a breath. I would love it is as Tiffany said, "I just keep on thinking he is not really dead and he is going to jump up and say 'Just kidding'! with his huge smile on his face".

But............
It never happened. Funny how the thoughts that you felt the days he was sick were still the thoughts you wanted to feel during these times. I found out so much about Jay fro the stories people would tell me about him @ work or his Spirit @ work and how he was so great to work with.

Tiffany asked Sheila on the way home tonight from the final viewing if she would share what she loved about Jay and as Sheila started telling her story after story and loved moment after loved moment, I kept thinking to myself, "that sounds like something I would do!!!" Then I would tear up and dry out and laugh. It is amazing that I have even taken stories about Jay's life and made them my own and did not even know it. I admire him so much! Jay was, is, and always will be my hero. I love him so much!

Tonight I was going to play his Xbox (Halo2) for one last game as "Rutree" his forever character name. but as I was going to walk up to their bedroom, I heard Tiffany talking to Sheila and I did not want to disturb them...so I came and wrote this post, heh.

Well, tomorrow is the funeral, and what I thought was going to be a rainy day now looks like it is going to be a very nice day...and I can't wait for the burial...because that place is so amazingly beautiful! The perfect spot for a perfect brother, husband, son, son-in-law, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, and sweet sweet sweet man of God!

I love him and I love you...the readers of this blog, and everyone who got touched by Jay's life...and whether some of you know this or not....it really was not Jay...but the Jesus in Him that made him who he was...and I know that Jay would love to tell you about his relationship with God and how that is where Jay found his existence and his passion for life, family, Sheila, me, work, D&D, etc..... Jay allowed his true love of Christ to shine through his life and I hope that all of you can know that Jay would never have been who he was without God living in him!

(yeah yeah I know I got on my sermon box...bt it is truth...and I could not help it...because God is a part of me too...but one thing it for sure....it is so freaking awesome living in relationship with God...and so amazingly cool to share the love I have for life and others because of the love that God has for me and you! Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you and please know I love each and everyone of you to the core....no matter who you think you are...I still love ya!

Yall have a good night and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!