The one about our long day with planning......

Well, last night you can imagine how much loss of sleep we got. We are all so very tired and never wanted to do the things that we did today. Today we met at the funeral home and went over how much everything is going to cost and picked out the casket, vault (they have to have one of these around here), and the grave plot @ the cemetery. I tell you what....if I had to be buried in the ground....the place that my brother and Sheila some day is amazing! The site looks like an old burial mound that you might see in England! It has an amazing cross created out of some kind of bush, and their plots overlook the beautiful country side of PA! It has the best view in the world and there are three pine trees right next to where Jay will be laid to rest. He loved the mountains so much that I am sure every time he hears those trees rustle that He will love it! I mean it is beyond anything I could ever describe. I hope that Tiffany can take some pictures of it all! And I am sure that he will love the snow that will fall on that land so often! It is just amazing.....we then went to Wal-Mart to buy supplies for making photo collages (sp?) to put up around the viewing area and at the funeral. Sheila has so many of him and him with family! It brought me to tears many times this evening cutting out the pictures and putting them in their special slots in the huge poster frame!

It is funny what things bring me to cry. You would think it would be when I go into the electronics section of Wal-Mart, but it tends to be in the weird places that I never would have ever thought about him like the fabric dept...or the toy department, heh heh. But, I still find myself living a normal life and then out of the blue it hits me that it will probably be a few years and the majority of my lifetime that I will not get to see him again. But, I am OK and I am not alone in getting through this. Tiffany held me last night as I sobbed and mourned for the physical loss of my brother. She is such a part of who I am....and I kow that most of the time it is the Jesus in Tiffany that sustains me! Thank you God!

There are times now when I weep for Sheila and my parents. I can not imagine what they are dealing with and how they are dealing with Jay. I know that this is the time for questions sometimes to God sometimes to others......emotions are not only high...but we are all tending to wear them in our armpits....heh heh.....most of the time we don't show them (our feelings that is) but every now and then we lift our arms up and we chew someone out for no reason...and never an apology is necessary because we all know that we are all dealing with Jay's loss differently. It is hard, but it is peaceful. I know that Jay is present in that weird peaceful, loving, freaky way, heh. Sometimes it is obvious, others it is just a sense...but still it is nice.......

But the one presence I have been closest with through all of this is Christ. He is comforting me with those beautiful nail pierced hands and sweet arms of comfort! He is crying with me and Tiffany each night and in the shower, and in Halmark and Wal-Mart and @ the food court in the mall. He is just present in our midst and he is there with out any invoking or asking for it...He is just there! I have found out that people I don't even know I am able to share the peace of Christ with....from husbands standing in the same women's underwear section of Sears waiting for our wives to get out of the dressing room to a 15 year old girl that took my order of the Dairy Queen in the food court of the mall. I see Jesus in everyone and especially the possibility of Jesus in everyone and I could probably find a rock on the road and have a best friend with-in 10 mins. ha ha. I just love people and as Jay grew into his spiritual life and deeper and deeper into relationship with God he too had that same ability and gift to see Jesus in everyone! Jay is my hero! I love him so much! He is my big brother, and lived more life in 35 years than most people did in a lifetime. He looked at everything with fresh eyes and a pure heart. He never took anything for granted and I loved that and miss that. I hope he can continue to point out the small and amazing things of life in this world and get lots of practice where he is at now to point them out in the world to come for most of us too!

OK enough ranting for tonight!

The viewing for Jay is tomorrow @ the Sloom Funeral Home in Mt. Pleasant PA starting @ 7:00 lasting until 9:00 pm...and I think there is another two on Monday 2:00 pm-5:00pm & 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. I think around here they require the family to be there during all the times...so we would love to see any of you!

The funeral will be held @ the Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church in Dawson, PA @ 11:00 am Tuesday morning with the committal service to follow at the grave side (on that amazing hill)

the church address is:

Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church
Griscom Street & Howell Street
DAWSON, PA 15428
724 529-2925
For those of you who are reading this locally and need directions here is a map of Dawson:


Sheila (and the rest of us) thought that it would be wonderful that instead of flowers that you give any money, thoughts, and/or prayers to Cochran Memorial United Methodist Church, or The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, or lastly,of course, The National Multiple Scleroscis Society.

The donation pages are the link behind the names of those places...except for the church and you can just send a check or what ever to the church to make a donation. I know that Jay would have wanted your God given resources to go towards sharing the good news of Christ and promoting healing in this world much more than just flowers that look and small good for a while but then don't have as long of a lasting effect as these wonderful places do for the world we live in and the lives that we can touch throughout the life of Jay who touched us. Thank you all!

Love yall and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!! (we all always need them!)

Oh and I just want you all to know if you would like to see or even meet my brother in pictures please stop on by his web site and take a good look at my hero!

WWW.HOLLUMS.COM

you know after going back to his site I want you all to read from Jay the thank you letter that he sent out to everyone (including you!) around Christmas last year..when we all thought he was in remission. It is amazing to hear these words written from Jay at this time....he is ministering to each of us even now, heh heh.

First, and foremost, I want to say thank you to all of the people that are reading this! I know if you are reading this you have at least at some point worried or been concerned about me. And I want you all to understand the glorious impact that your prayers have had on me and those around me.

When you first find out that you have cancer, it is very hard to believe. You just say to yourself that it is not possible. And you just wait patiently for the doctors to come back with a different reason that you are not feeling perfect. However, once it sinks in you just sit there and try to understand. I think I handled the diagnosis very well, but I had no idea what I was in for when it came to the cure. Chemotherapy is amazingly tough. For me I think it was tougher than the cancer. I just kept telling myself that my God has a purpose for everything, even if I don't understand it. I proceeded to ask for prayers and blessings from all the people I know and the church that I love. I know that many people prayed for my health, and I will take all the prayers that people are willing to make on my behalf, but I will tell you this; I have never seen prayer work as effectively as it did this time. Not necessarily as a cure for my cancer (it is in remission and undetectable right now), but as an impact on my friends and family and myself. I have never felt so much love all the time coming from every where. Your prayers comforted me, my wife, and my family. They allowed me to feel wrapped in love and that is an AMAZING feeling. I have always said that the greatest miracle that God can do is not to move a mountain, but to change a heart. I have no doubt that through your prayers for me and my illness; MANY hearts were changed forever. If you ever wonder why people are allowed to ever get sick, then just realize the changed hearts of the people that form due to experiencing an illness or even a death are a great miracle. Sometimes, the only way to change a heart is through observation of another's illness or death. I truly hope that your spiritual life has grown in some way as you followed my struggles.

I continue to pray for all of you in return, even if I don't know all the names of the people that prayed for me. May God bless you all for your concern, prayers, and, more to the point, your deep abiding love. Keep praying as we all need miracles. Thank you once again, your prayers and Christ's love hold me together day by day as this ordeal finishes up with the final testing and follow up treatments. I believe it is by the grace of God and your wonderful prayers that I am where I am today.

Your brother in Christ,

Jay Hollums








I miss and love you too Jay!